Susan Senator

My paperback is now available for order and will be shipped in two weeks. This should be cause for celebration, the fact that I made it to paperback. But I am very unhappy. I am stuck. I am not getting anywhere with new autism projects/articles. I feel I need to move on but I do not yet know how.

The Worcester Telegram did a piece on me to promote the new paperback. But -- this is the least accurate article on me I've ever read. It is not factually incorrect, but the spirit is completely wrong. I even know the reporter, but obviously not well enough. The hook is wrong: I have and always will fight for Nat. Where did he get the idea that "Making Peace" means "giving up the fight?" The kicker is wrong, too, that half the time Nat does not know what we are talking about and that as he ages he is creating more problems for us. I do not feel that way. I believe that more and more he does know what we are talking about but only half the time does he show it. And as for creating more problems... all of my children "create" problems for me; it is their job. Nat is not special in that regard. His problems are a bit more evident at the time, however...

I am so depressed and this is the tip of the iceberg. There has been a slew of writing going on about autism and none of it is by me. I have submitted piece after piece to the NY Times, especially on the need for Late Intervention, and they went and assigned it to two other writers, and this is making the rounds in the blogosphere. It is a great article, better than mine, but that is beside the point. And today they are talking about buying toys for kids with autism; I wrote about that years ago in Exceptional Parent Magazine. And yesterday WBUR (Boston's NPR affiliate) did a one hour program on autism in the later years. Two different friends called me to tell me, how wonderful!!! No one at that station remembered all the things I pitched to them, nor the commentary I did almost exactly a year ago?

I feel so irrelevant. Am I over? I know, I know, huge ego, but yeah, didn't you already know that? Anyway... this is who I am, and right now, I am so bummed. Yes, sure, I am thrilled that autism is so central to the media these days! But as a writer, I'd like to be a part of that. And I'm not anymore. And it is not for lack of trying.

So if I'm to move on, I need to know what's next. I don't feel like I can do another autism book yet, because not enough has happened. And there has been a glitch with the Special Olympics book, as of yesterday. So I don't know what's next for me and I am in some kind of hellish stasis at the moment, churning my wheels, gnashing my teeth, wringing my hands.

Going to try to take care of myself. A trip to the gym, lunch with my best girlfriend (I hope) and then -- work on my newest project, which I may be calling, "Making Peace with Midlife."