Susan's Blog

Monday, November 13, 2006

The Ides of November

I feel like I have to be bravest
on your birthday
I’m not supposed to be sad
that’s selfish
and unevolved
and not seeing the whole picture

But I am.
I stood in the bookstore
amidst strollers, sippy cups, board books
plump new mothers stretched over pink new children
Tears slipped out, wet anguish on my embarrassed face

Still here
The baby books
The ocean books
The swimming books
Bubbles
Disney vids

Still sad
About what I don’t get
What you don’t get

The search for something
The anger, deep in my throat,
that it is not there

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posted at 12:09 pm 3 comments

3 comments

I understand your feelings. I was picking up some extra infant toys for my twelve year old son at a yard sale and the smiling Mom (younger than me) who was getting rid of them asked kindly “How old is your baby?” Ouch, straight to the heart!

Susan, Happy Birthday to Nat! (And to you: somehow it seems ungrateful that the mother’s labor to get the child into the world seems forgotten at these times.)

— added by nancy on Monday, November 13, 2006 at 2:06 pm

Susan this is bittersweet. You make me cry at work reading this. Do I ever understand this. Thank you for sharing with us.

— added by Anonymous on Monday, November 13, 2006 at 6:32 pm

I understand too.

— added by susan on Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 6:41 am