Susan Senator
All happy families are not alike...
All happy families are not alike...
Cant
So much for that. I turned down my publisher’s offer as it stands. Not gonna do it. Can’t talk about fun and happiness the way I’ve been feeling. All those cool, happy things I thought I’d discovered? Nah. Not so much. Also, I can’t figure out how to interview all those people and somehow do justice to their stories. How do I write about my process, my thoughts, my journey, from my heart, and then weave in ten other strangers’ stories? I don’t see it. I can’t, can’t, it would be a load of cant. No. I’m in the middle of it all right now — a vortex of tsuris — and when I come though it, I’ll have a lot to say I’m sure, but now? It’s if at first you don’t succeed, cry, cry again.
I counter-proposed a book to them and also sent in my historical fiction, about 1905 Russia. My publisher does historical fiction, too, it turns out. But “only two or three a year, and from established writers.” That’s the Catch-22 of the week. How do you become established? Where does that start?
Feel like the biggest loser since Bill Buckner opened his legs. How can a person like me get a large teenager off to camp on an airplane and then drive around an unknown state, pretending to be an adult? I’m so nervous I feel like puking, but maybe that’s cos I was wrong about fudge.
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A person like you? An eclectic, smart, funny, insightful, very human you who writes with refreshing honesty about living in these sometimes challenging times with situations that are at once or alternately wonderful and scary, with feelings and circunstances that bring deep peace one day and swirling fear the next? A Mom like you who is parenting three very different kids, working on and with herself, growing, nurturing a marriage, and finding time to write about it in ways that help others see humor and beauty in their own daily lives? Decline the book offer if you like, Sue, but give the person you are a huge hug and some props for riding the waves with grace and having the courage and generosity to share your very human tales with us.
Susan, Don’t make these kinds of decisions right now!! You need to sort through this a little more. I envisioned your book as sort of a Chicken Soup for the Parent of a child with a disability’s soul and thought that it would be great.
I think that you would be kind of like a general contractor building a house. You would be reaching out to the subcontrators — gathering other experts (other parents) and getting their submissions and then putting it together into one cohesive format with your comments along to add to the stories. That’s the whole house.
I have been putting together a project with a million (ok – 20) people to interview and I have frankly decided that I need to do my interviewing by phone. I need them to submit photos to me and be there to spend some time on the phone. I can’t go running all over the place to do this. For people who have papers to submit, I need them in electronic format. I can’t spend my life typing. The whole thing is that I am doing this job and in order to do it well, I have to make the most of the technology to keep myself from running around in circles.
Maybe I am way off base here, but you sound really down about having Nat go to camp and maybe that is graying everything else out.
Give yourself some time to think it over. I would love to help you if I can. I love your concept and think that it is a real winner and your publisher does too. Maybe you just need some time to think it out some more.
You don’t have to post this comment, I just felt sad reading your post because you are so down. You’re not a loser. You are a great person with deep feelings and emotions and right now, you are caught by the tail with whats going on.
You need a break and I think that wandering out west is just the ticket. It’s hard to let go a little, I think that Nat will be fine and you will be fine too. It’s hard to take that step, harder than sending them to Kindergarten, but it’s one that we have to face someday. I always think of everything that could happen, but what I worry about hardly ever happens.
Em’s Mom and Jan are right. I’ve said this before: I still think you are one of the strongest people I know, even though you may feel very weak, vulnerable, and inadequate right now. Depression and anxiety really, really suck because they eat away, day after day, at your confidence and self-worth, and rob you of peace and happiness. It’s not all mental, it’s physiological. It is OK even if you go out West and don’t do everything you plan on doing. Is Nat still going to have an aid there? Be with close friends and Ned as much as you can. You will pull through, because you are a fighter.
It will be okay, one way or another, you know that it will be okay.
Have you made a book for Nat’s adventure to camp? That always seemed to ease his anxiety over new things, maybe making it can ease yours.
Nat is going to be just fine for the week at camp. Really. He’ll have his aide, and a busy camp structure that will be fun. Other campers’ enthusiasm will be contagious. Maybe you can send him a fax daily during the vacation, counting down the days and noting your adventures.
Now, let’s talk about Susan. You are not a fraud – frauds don’t reach out to help others, don’t advocate for better learning environments, don’t get asked to visit the White House (wait, no, okay that one doesn’t apply), don’t get honored by the Special Olympics. Frauds can, but rarely look as hot as you do in pink.
Fraud, schmaud. Take a break from the familiar – go west young Susan, dragging Ben and Max if need be, but go. (It may not be wholly accurate, but I always put Ned on awesome spouse pedestal, and therefore expect him to be enthusiastic.) We (the other parents) get the risks, but still, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Now go put all these comments into your “Daily affirmation file”. Everyone should have one.
Listen to those women! They obviously know what they’re talking about.
Even I can tell that ‘child on plane’ and ‘major decision’ is not a good combination.
best wishes
Not gonna do it.
Not gonna do it at this time.
You will.
You’re all very sweet, thanks. I really appreciate all you have said, here and in email.
I agree wholeheartedly with all these posts. You definately have the skill, personality and talent to pull it all off! Do you have any idea how many parents you have helped by putting your life “out there”?
Things will look quite different at the end of the summer, hang in there.
I know I suck lately for not being around to comment, but I just came by a few minutes ago, and need to say “Don’t give up!!!!”
Take a huge, deep, breath and spend a week or two thinking about it. I know you can do this. 🙂
Susan, I’ve been thinking about this post all day long and didn’t know what I wanted to say until now. First of all, go back to your post titled “Feat Us” and reconnect with the joy of the process. It IS a process, just like pregnancy. Right now you don’t know what is coming; you sort of think you do but not really and it’s making you queasy, unsettled, hormonal.
It will come together, I have faith, because you believe in it. There are families out in the world who NEED this book. I needed this book when I went through the 209 days of NICU hell with my son and all the aftermath; the surgeries, the fear and uncertainty. I needed an anchor which is why I volunteered to be a part of this book…to help give others what I didn’t have. It is vital, maybe more so than you even realize.
Start to connect with the mothers who volunteered to contribute. Learn more about us and our children before you try to focus on just the “good stuff.” If I’ve learned anything on this journey it is that you cannot compartmentalize the good from the bad. It’s messy, sometimes painful, sometimes exhilarating, and ALWAYS full of unexpected gifts.
Please don’t give up on this baby.