I often feel troubled by not understanding Nat and his state of mind. I do not believe in my heart that what you see is what you get. I wish I could. People say, “If he doesn’t seem unhappy, he’s not.” Yes, but no. Sometimes I am not satisfied with that. So here is what I want to ask him:
1) Do you understand what I say when I speak normally?
2) If so, do you feel bad when I adapt what I’m saying to a simpler language?
3) Do you know that I respect you, no matter how I talk to you?
4) Are you lonely?
5) Do you feel left out when everyone around you is talking? Or maybe you’re used to it by now?
6) Do you understand why we are planning your life without really asking you how you feel about it?
7) Do you wish that you and Ben were close?
8) Do you feel Max reaching out in his quiet wispy way?
9) What do you want for your birthday?
10) Have you ever been abused?
And so today I had a bad moment on my bike ride, a real heart bruise, when I thought of these, and I wanted you to let me know, somehow. But I know you can’t, and so I have to live with that.