Readers and friends ask me pretty frequently what to do when their ASD kid starts exhibiting difficult behaviors in school. One friend reported that the principal had said something like, “The goal is to get him to be as normal as possible.” I disagree. That is not the goal. And ironically, if that is the goal, that may just be the reason for the difficult behaviors.<\/p>\n
Kids can feel when they are being judged. Hearing others around you say that you are not normal can have a bad effect on a person. We all know that. Why would it be different when you’re autistic?<\/p>\n
Then there is the question of getting to normal. First of all, what is normal? I sure as heck don’t know. I’m not being goofy here; I really don’t know anymore. You scratch anyone’s surface and you find a whole Pandora’s box of strangeness. I used to think I was normal, but I’ve been scratching my surface a lot lately and I have found some real weirdness. I used to think Nat wasn’t. But I see Nat, trying so hard to work within the strictures of this world, unquestioning, trying to get along with everyone, to do what we all want of him, to be a good person, a loving family member. That is above normal for a nearly 17 year old boy. And me? Well, just read this blog and decide for yourself.<\/p>\n
Normal is an interesting topic. I think it could be a good book, though: Guidebook to Normal Behavior<\/span>, by I.M. Regularguy. There is some kind of agreed-upon code, though, and I do know what it is, and Nat does not. That probably makes me normal. It is hard to teach him the code, too. It reminds me of what it is like for Max to learn certain aspects of a foreign language, like noun gender. He tells me how ridiculous it is that French has male and female words. He says, “All you can do is memorize them; it makes no sense at all.”<\/p>\n Exactly.<\/p>\n Or, he learns, by using the language in supportive environment, how to converse fluidly and fluently. Sink or swim doesn’t generally work except for certain kinds of learners. Other learning styles must be accommodated by the school system. This is the law.<\/a> Anyway, it is not acceptable for a principal or staff person to say that the goal is normalcy. The goal is to get the child to be able to learn what it is school has to teach him; the goal is to master his IEP\/the curriculum laid out for him.<\/p>\n