{"id":1294,"date":"2006-08-09T22:29:00","date_gmt":"2006-08-09T22:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog2\/2006\/08\/channeling-andy-rooney\/"},"modified":"2006-08-09T22:29:00","modified_gmt":"2006-08-09T22:29:00","slug":"channeling-andy-rooney","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2006\/08\/channeling-andy-rooney\/","title":{"rendered":"Channeling Andy Rooney"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Did you ever wonder&#8230;<br \/><span class=\"down\" style=\"display: block;\" id=\"formatbar_CreateLink\" title=\"Link\" onmouseover=\"ButtonHoverOn(this);\" onmouseout=\"ButtonHoverOff(this);\" onmouseup=\"\" onmousedown=\"CheckFormatting(event);FormatbarButton('richeditorframe', this, 8);ButtonMouseDown(this);\"><\/span><br \/>Why &#8220;Botox&#8221; and &#8220;Buttocks&#8221; sound so similar?<br \/>Why &#8220;Smother&#8221; is just one letter removed from &#8220;Mother?&#8221;<br \/>Why do they call them &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.medshopexpress.com\/402441.html\">Tucks<\/a>?&#8221;  Are you supposed to think &#8220;tux,&#8221; as in galas and balls?<br \/>Why can&#8217;t we just rename Uranus?  Enough embarrassment, already!<br \/>How they first discovered the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.boingboing.net\/2006\/04\/08\/diet_coke_mentos_rap.html\">Diet Coke and Mentos thing<\/a>?<br \/>Or how they figured out that they should save the moldy bread and use it to fight infection?<br \/>Why &#8220;Prius?&#8221;  It is such a little car, yet <a href=\"http:\/\/www.pantheon.org\/articles\/p\/priapus.html\">the name makes me think the wrong thing<\/a>!  No one will be fooled.<br \/>How is it Keith Richard is still alive?<br \/>How much we need 1-800-DEAD-YET because it&#8217;s hard to keep track!  Like Jimmy Stewart?<br \/>If you&#8217;re not supposed to mix chlorine bleach and ammonia, why is it okay to pee into a toilet that is full of bleach-laden toilet cleaner?<br \/>Why is a AA bra size smaller than an A cup but a DD cup is bigger than a D cup?<br \/>That sweetmeats are actually stomach entrails?  And sweetbreads are from brains, not breads?<br \/>&#8230;and Grape Nuts have no grapes and no nuts.<br \/>If the correct way to use dinner silverware is to &#8220;eat your way in,&#8221; then why is the teaspoon (ostensibly for dessert and\/or coffee) laid outside of the knife?<br \/>Why does one woman need both a curling iron and a hair straightener?<br \/>Why is it only <span style=\"font-style: italic;\">either<\/span> boxers <span style=\"font-style: italic;\">or <\/span>briefs?<br \/>How did Pirates vs. Ninjas come about?<br \/>Why is it just Ginger or Maryanne and not Gilligan vs. The Professor?<br \/>Why are men so into monkeys?<br \/>How do you throw out a garbage pail?<br \/>Why not equip airplane passenger seats with parachutes?  Then I&#8217;d listen to those instructions prior to take-off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Did you ever wonder&#8230;Why &#8220;Botox&#8221; and &#8220;Buttocks&#8221; sound so similar?Why &#8220;Smother&#8221; is just one letter removed from &#8220;Mother?&#8221;Why do they call them &#8220;Tucks?&#8221; Are you supposed to think &#8220;tux,&#8221; as in galas and balls?Why can&#8217;t we just rename Uranus? Enough embarrassment, already!How they first discovered the Diet Coke and Mentos thing?Or how they figured out [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-kS","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1294"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1294\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}