Sitting in the dark theatre
The Pirates on the screen
Boys right and left and behind me
Kiera Knightly falsely venting spleen<\/p>\n
I waited for Johnny Depp to thrill me
Or for Orlando to make my lust bloom
But all that happened was a huge calamari
And pirates dropping from the boom<\/p>\n
A strange black wench with inky teeth
Spoke gibberish in a swamp
I hoped against hope old Jack would have her
And treat us all to a lusty romp<\/p>\n
But she only gave him a sandy bottle
And told him something about a heart
Before I knew it they were sailing full throttle
Fighting Orkish guys who were half men, half carp<\/p>\n
When finally Kiera made out with Johnny
I can’t say I was happy with this
Because by then I was so confused and sleepy
And two of my boys needed to take a piss<\/p>\n
We don’t even know if the Cracken is dead
Nor do we know for sure if Cap’n Jack made it
We don’t even know why the thing’s called a “Cracken”
But I do know I don’t really give a ****<\/p>\n
Two thumbs up — Robert Iger’s ass<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sitting in the dark theatreThe Pirates on the screenBoys right and left and behind meKiera Knightly falsely venting spleen I waited for Johnny Depp to thrill meOr for Orlando to make my lust bloomBut all that happened was a huge calamariAnd pirates dropping from the boom A strange black wench with inky teethSpoke gibberish in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-ll","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1323","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1323"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1323\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1323"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1323"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1323"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}