{"id":1380,"date":"2006-04-18T17:07:00","date_gmt":"2006-04-18T17:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog2\/2006\/04\/ziese-neshumas\/"},"modified":"2006-04-18T17:07:00","modified_gmt":"2006-04-18T17:07:00","slug":"ziese-neshumas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2006\/04\/ziese-neshumas\/","title":{"rendered":"Ziese Neshuma(s)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s why autism does not rule my life: because Nat is a ziese neshuma<\/span>, Yiddish for sweet soul. We have enough going on that the autism doesn’t jump out and seize me by the throat, the way it used to. Or I should say, the behaviors Nat exhibited due to autism, due to our not understanding his needs. We have enough going on, good and bad, Ned, Sue, Nat, Max, and Ben. Five puzzle pieces that fit together fairly well, some days better than others.<\/p>\n

Yesterday I had the day from hell, and by the end of it, I was ready to go to bed at 8:30, two hours before my usual bedtime. Nat and Ben had just finished their showers, and were dancing around getting into pajamas. I got into mine and settled into bed and Ned said, “Really? You’re going to bed now?”<\/p>\n

I sniffled, “Yes.”
He got in, too, and lay on his back, extending his arm towards me, his age-old invitation to snuggle. I told him why I was sad and he listened, offering advice or sympathy now and then.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Nat walked into our room.
“Nat!” Ned greeted him enthusiastically.
“Hi, Sweet Guy,” I said, less so. What did Nat want? He did not usually come into our room. He usually waitied in his room, until someone remembered to come and kiss him good night.
“Yes,” he said, as always.
“Natty, come lie down with me,” Ned said.
“Yes.” Nat, so literal and physically awkward, threw his long bony frame right on top of Ned, making him gasp for air and laugh. “No, Natty, over here.” He made room for Nat, and Nat laid his head on Ned’s chest, his face just a few inches from mine.<\/p>\n

“Oh, it’s the Original Three,” I said softly, tearing up from remembering lying in bed with Ned and baby Nat. One time, I tried to nap with little Nat right in the bed with me and we couldn’t because every few moments he would raise his head and see me there with my eyes closed and he would laugh his baby laugh at me. Oh my God, did that really happen? If that happened, then why was I ever sad about him? Why did it matter that we had some label to go with some of what he did? Why did I let that define him back then?<\/p>\n

Oh well. Enough ass-kicking for today.<\/p>\n

I extended my hand and stroked Nat’s cheek, still soft because he doesn’t shave yet (the long hairs on his face are white blond so he doesn’t quite have to). I pushed my hand under his face — his skin felt clammy and alive — and left it there, and he let me.<\/p>\n

Why was he there? I think he was there because he knew I needed him. Like his father. \"\"<\/a> Here we are at the NAAR Walk for Autism<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s why autism does not rule my life: because Nat is a ziese neshuma, Yiddish for sweet soul. We have enough going on that the autism doesn’t jump out and seize me by the throat, the way it used to. Or I should say, the behaviors Nat exhibited due to autism, due to our not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-mg","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}