{"id":1387,"date":"2006-04-11T16:09:00","date_gmt":"2006-04-11T16:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog2\/2006\/04\/enough-with-the-tragic-autism-already\/"},"modified":"2006-04-11T16:09:00","modified_gmt":"2006-04-11T16:09:00","slug":"enough-with-the-tragic-autism-already","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2006\/04\/enough-with-the-tragic-autism-already\/","title":{"rendered":"Enough With the Tragic Autism, Already"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here is a letter to the editor that appeared in the New York Times<\/span> regarding the article about siblings. I was blown away by this letter and I thought you all should read the article and then the letter.<\/p>\n

Why Not Ask Us?<\/p>\n

To the Editor:<\/p>\n

Re “Siblings of Disabled Have Their Own Troubles” (April 4)<\/a>: It’s often been said that “less bad” doesn’t necessarily equal “good.” Such can be said about your article on siblings of those with developmental disabilities.<\/p>\n

I am autistic. I have “typically developing” siblings. And I have news for you: all y’all aren’t that easy to live with, either. Neurotypicals are loud, impulsive, manipulative, too easily embarrassed and unpredictable. They have friends who are loud, impulsive, manipulative, too easily embarrassed, mean to us and unpredictable. M\\ny an autistic child has been bullied by a group that includes his or her own brother or sister (who often claims not to be related).<\/p>\n

But no one ever asks us. Maybe it’s time to start, instead of assuming we don’t have thoughts and feelings, and should be grateful just to have families that put up with us, at least sort of.<\/p>\n

Maybe next time, someone should ask us. It’s time that people with disabilities had equal time in the “griping about siblings nationally” arena.<\/p>\n

Kassiane A. Sibley
Missoula, Mont.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It is time for a new paradigm for autism. There is far too much unconscious bigotry, whereby we assume that the person with the disability is someone to be pitied, fixed, or rejected. Or the family with autism is the lowest on the totem pole of misery. But how do you measure such a thing? <\/p>\n

Who can compare their misery to mine and come up with an accurate equation? <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Some people assume that my life is so much harder than theirs because Nat happens to have autism. People tell me, “I don’t know how you do it,” and although I know they are expressing admiration and perhaps friendship, there is an element of separateness in the comment, and a lack of understanding of who I am and who Nat is. I shrug off what they say, and they assume I am being modest. I am not. I am just being me. Nat is just my kid. My family is just a family. Autism is a part of the family, but not its defining characteristic. I think that being a family of geeky males and one ultra femme female is more defining. Or, a Jewish family. Or a New England family. A family that likes witty jokes. A family that makes great birthday cakes, or who loves Cape Cod. But even those only scratch the surface.<\/p>\n

Autism is not<\/span> our tragedy. Nor is it my other sons’ tragedy. The tragedy is how easy it is for others to gloss over who we all really are and to see us by one label. The tragedy would be if Max and Ben (or Nat) were somehow stunted or wounded by events in their childhood or dysfunctional family dynamics. So Ned and I are doing everything we can to make things work in our family, where everyone is equal and has rights and feelings.<\/p>\n

In a sense, Marx had it right: From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs. In a family, this is probably the best way to operate. As my Grandma would say (may she rest in peace): “Genuck Shoen<\/span> [enough] with the autism is a tragedy, already! He’s a beautiful boy, they’re all beautiful!”
\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here is a letter to the editor that appeared in the New York Times regarding the article about siblings. I was blown away by this letter and I thought you all should read the article and then the letter. Why Not Ask Us? To the Editor: Re “Siblings of Disabled Have Their Own Troubles” (April […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-mn","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1387"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1387\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1387"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1387"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1387"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}