Ned took Nat back and I am sad.\u00a0 I pack up his bag and the feeling inside me was that this was so wrong.\u00a0 So sad, mushing his crapped up pillow into the canvas bag.\u00a0 His clothes, his bright colored clothes, and his messily folded jeans, all tumble back into the bag, that no longer smells like my home.\u00a0 It smells like their detergent.\u00a0 And why do they send him with so many clothes?\u00a0 That makes my heart sink a little.\u00a0 I know I am sighing a lot.\u00a0 I imagine him unpacking the stuff, and jamming his pants into the drawers.\u00a0 Why does that bother me?\u00a0 Max does it, too — when he even puts his clean clothes away, that is.\u00a0 Ben’s stuff rests eternally on his desk chair; the dresser seems to be merely a storage space for stuff he will never wear, all the hopeful Gap stuff in non-black.<\/p>\n
They all make me sad.\u00a0 I shouldn’t be sad.\u00a0 So much to live for, so much to love. But I had children to have children — around me.\u00a0 Now they’re not.<\/p>\n
Why did Ned take him back?\u00a0 Why didn’t I go with him?\u00a0 It hurts me less to go sometimes.\u00a0 And in this matter, I don’t think Nat really cares.\u00a0 Sometimes I don’t want to draw out the non-caring.\u00a0 It makes me tired.<\/p>\n
You don’t get over some stuff; you get used to it, and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, even on a gorgeous May day, the wound is opened.\u00a0 Not fresh and flowing like it used to be, but dull and achy, like a phantom limb after amputation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ned took Nat back and I am sad.\u00a0 I pack up his bag and the feeling inside me was that this was so wrong.\u00a0 So sad, mushing his crapped up pillow into the canvas bag.\u00a0 His clothes, his bright colored clothes, and his messily folded jeans, all tumble back into the bag, that no longer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/sSTth-mayday","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1590"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1591,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1590\/revisions\/1591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}