{"id":1719,"date":"2010-09-08T13:17:31","date_gmt":"2010-09-08T17:17:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/?p=1719"},"modified":"2010-09-08T13:19:10","modified_gmt":"2010-09-08T17:19:10","slug":"i-wish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/i-wish\/","title":{"rendered":"I wish"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wish I knew, I wish I knew<\/em><\/p>\n

What makes me me what makes you you.<\/em><\/p>\n

-Cat Stevens<\/em><\/p>\n

I’d thought myself too old in this regard.\u00a0 So often I feel like I’m supposed to be a role model.\u00a0 Beyond it all.\u00a0 Well, not beyond it all, but wise and easily recovered from it all.\u00a0 I’m the future, some people feel.\u00a0 But I forget that I’m also the present.\u00a0 And the past.\u00a0 The usual state is that the waves of pain subside, it feels like an eternal low tide.\u00a0 But when it rises, it has the strength of twenty years.\u00a0 I fear the ocean.\u00a0 I love the ocean.<\/p>\n

There will be a flash of something, something I forgot to do, something I’ve lost.\u00a0 A song, forgotten in my shuffle. It sends me back to you, my darling boy.\u00a0 I can’t help it, please forgive me, I feel heartbroken today, because I just wish I could talk with you.\u00a0 Really talk.\u00a0 Hear your thoughts.\u00a0 Have you want me to hear your thoughts. I wish I could make you less alone.\u00a0 I wish I knew how you felt about life, how much you know.\u00a0 I feel that I know, but just once, I want certainty.<\/p>\n

There is no blame here, no one’s at fault.\u00a0 That’s what makes it so hard; no one to be mad at.\u00a0 I like to know why and who.\u00a0 But I can’t.\u00a0 I have to go by my heart, by the air, it slips through my fingers.\u00a0 Strength is about having strong fingers.\u00a0 Strong heart.\u00a0 But how can a heart be strong and soft at the same time?\u00a0 How can a person be so silent?\u00a0 What happens to the life teeming in your brain?\u00a0 Where does it go?<\/p>\n

I want it to come out.\u00a0 I want to hold it in my arms.\u00a0 I want it to come to me.\u00a0 I am tired.\u00a0 You’re so alive.\u00a0 Come to me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish I knew, I wish I knew What makes me me what makes you you. -Cat Stevens I’d thought myself too old in this regard.\u00a0 So often I feel like I’m supposed to be a role model.\u00a0 Beyond it all.\u00a0 Well, not beyond it all, but wise and easily recovered from it all.\u00a0 I’m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-rJ","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1719"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1722,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1719\/revisions\/1722"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1719"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1719"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1719"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}