In circles other than my autism world, I find myself at a different starting point with regard to Nat.\u00a0 It seems I got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do.\u00a0 These days everyone has a someone with autism, and so that particular experience informs theirs.\u00a0 It is difficult to dislodge people’s perception of autism, and of course, that is one of the things I live for:\u00a0 changing the world to make it a better place for people who have similar challenges to Nat.<\/p>\n
Last night I had a teaching opportunity, and I blew it.\u00a0 I was not prepared, even though I knew it was coming.\u00a0 I was at a shiva, which is a post-funeral Jewish gathering similar to to the Catholic wake.\u00a0 I had just met a man who was friendly and interesting and we got around to the subject of our kids.\u00a0 “My guys are 21, 19, and 13,” I said.\u00a0 Wait for it, wait for it —<\/em><\/p>\n “Oh, so the 21-year-old.\u00a0 Done with college, off on his own…?”<\/p>\n D’oh, and it had been such a light and bouncy conversation until then.\u00a0 “Well, no, he has pretty severe autism, so…”\u00a0 Here’s one tip:\u00a0 don’t be elliptical.\u00a0 Don’t dot-dot-dot.\u00a0 Offer your most impressive news first.\u00a0 Here’s what I should have said, “Well, no, he’s been working for a while.\u00a0 About to move into his own place.\u00a0 He’s got pretty severe autism.”\u00a0 This way, I keep myself — and Nat– on equal footing.\u00a0 I don’t want no Goddamn sympathy.\u00a0 Or if I do, I choose the moment when I get it.<\/p>\n No, I didn’t think on my feet.\u00a0 They guy kind of blanched and said, “Oh, that can be SUCH a burden, to think about his future… I have a friend whose daughter…”<\/p>\n I let him talk.\u00a0 It was a shiva, after all.\u00a0 He was wearing a yarmulke, for God\u2019s sake!\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding, because I feel bad.\u00a0 I should not have let him refer to someone even remotely like Nat as a burden.\u00a0 Only I get to say he\u2019s a burden!\u00a0 Or something like that.\u00a0 Here\u2019s autism parent tip #2:\u00a0 Cement your loyalty to your kid.\u00a0 You already love him.\u00a0 You would not trade him for the world.\u00a0 So go with that.\u00a0 And then, think about what you are proud of, make a list right now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll help you start:<\/p>\n My autistic kid is:<\/p>\n 1)\u00a0\u00a0 Really cute<\/p>\n 2)\u00a0\u00a0 Funny<\/p>\n 3)\u00a0\u00a0 Unusual, interesting<\/p>\n 4)\u00a0\u00a0 Thought-provoking<\/p>\n 5)\u00a0\u00a0 Loves life<\/p>\n 6)\u00a0\u00a0 Gives my life a challenge<\/p>\n 7)\u00a0\u00a0 Does not hide his feelings<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Let\u2019s all start being really brave.\u00a0 Learn from my pathetic example.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t mean tell-people-off brave.\u00a0 That\u2019s easy, as tough as it is.\u00a0 Being a bitch is the low-hanging fruit.\u00a0 The greater challenge is to stay with them, assume they are well-meaning, and then rise above what they are saying and show them \u2013 don\u2019t tell them, show them, gently but firmly \u2013 that they have it wrong.\u00a0\u00a0 I think that it is our duty \u2013 no, it is our privilege \u2013 to teach the world about our guys, to lessen the misery out there.\u00a0 Yes, autism spectrum disorders \u2013 or, to use the language that the Neurodiversity crowd employs \u2013 behavior issues, social challenges, and the other\u00a0 co-morbid symptoms that often accompany autism<\/a> \u2013 are a challenge and even horrible at times.\u00a0 But that is not the news.\u00a0 Scoop everyone with your own positive story.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In circles other than my autism world, I find myself at a different starting point with regard to Nat.\u00a0 It seems I got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do.\u00a0 These days everyone has a someone with autism, and so that particular experience informs theirs.\u00a0 It is difficult to dislodge people’s perception of autism, and of 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