I have been writing all afternoon, and so now it’s time to take a break and — write! But blogging is not like writing writing; blogging is just my head melding with my fingers, keyboard, and screen. There hasn’t been a post in a few days (I don’t count the Today Show and the No Show, nor do I count the Tabblos), so a lot has been stewing. This thought-meat is now so soft and tender a for could go right through it.<\/p>\n
I’ve been thinking about whether it is right to write about one’s kids. Some readers have been commenting to me about those who are trying to profit from their kids in one way another. I want to address that from my own perspective.<\/p>\n
First of all, there’s the rights of the kids. With some kids, you can ask them, or you can get a sense as to whether they mind being exposed to the public. Max says he doesn’t care; Ben does. So I am very, very careful with what I say about them. But I still do say things about them. I believe that as their mother and as a sensitive, intuitive person, they can trust me to do justice by them in my writing.<\/p>\n
Many readers probably think I don’t give Nat the same consideration. Oh, but I do. I don’t know what Nat knows, and I try to guess what would bother him, were he to be able to understand my blog. I believe that he does not understand my level of writing. His conversation and reading comprehension demonstrate significant delays. Therefore I don’t think that what I write would upset him; still, I am very very careful.<\/p>\n
I am the kind of parent who believes in disclosure. If Nat could understand what it meant that he was autistic, I would tell him he was autistic and we would then have some kind of conversation about it. But so far, all I have managed to convey to him is that Nat does this or that differently from his brothers, or that Nat is doing a good job learning how to talk, how to help with chores, etc. I just have a certainty that he can’t understand any deeper than that. He does not seem to be a wonderer. He seems, rather, to live in the moment, making himself happy with playing around with words and moving his body in certain ways.<\/p>\n
I believe, in the end, that it is okay, and in fact, it is good, to write publicly about my perceptions and questions, fears and hopes because I hear from others and I then make sense of life. Sometimes, though, it is just about articulating my thoughts in print. I press “publish,” when I feel secure in what I’ve written. If I find myself thinking, “Why the hell should I tell them that?”<\/span> then the post becomes just a draft.<\/p>\n Items that I believe would embarrass or upset my children do not get expressed here. But problems and questions do. When you ask a question, you are not violating anything; you are asking. You have not concluded anything.<\/p>\n I also write things to help others, so they can learn from my struggles and my mistakes and my revelations. I make judgment calls about some issues. There is very little written, for example, about how to help your child be appropriate and safe with his\/her body. So in my book I did write about our experiences with Nat’s development and the problem of privacy. That was a decision Ned and I carefully considered. I tried to write sensitively and appropriately, but I felt that to write about it would help others. And I was right. Tons of people have come up to me after talks and thanked me for writing about this; dads especially. It is so important to know we are not alone in our challenges, and how to balance our love for our children with the need to make them stand on their own and take care of themselves.<\/p>\n I also write to make the non-autism community understand. I write to make the world a better place for Nat and for people like Nat.<\/p>\n I also write for myself, for selfish reasons. I do indeed get a lot of pleasure over the fact that I wrote and published a book, have another on the way, that I get to express my views and experiences on national TV a few times, that I got to go to the White House and talk to powerful people about my concerns. I got to give my book to the First Lady. That was really fun and satisfying. I felt like I was doing my best as a person to improve life. So in that way, I do get some personal joy out of writing about Nat and my experiences. I wouldn’t write and speak, etc., if it was not fulfilling to me. And yes, I have made a career out of it, and I don’t see anything wrong with it; I see a lot right with it.<\/p>\n I don’t know what people like Jenny McArthy think about, or what motivates her, but I guess I believe that even she, a beautiful woman who has tons of money and fame, is not writing and speaking about her son for self-aggrandizement. I think she is trying, in her own way, to get the word out. I don’t agree with a lot of what she thinks. Her word may not be helpful to many of us, and downright angering and depressing to some, but I think her motives are good. I believe she loves her son.<\/p>\n Maybe I’m all wrong. I’m sure you’ll tell me what you think!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have been writing all afternoon, and so now it’s time to take a break and — write! But blogging is not like writing writing; blogging is just my head melding with my fingers, keyboard, and screen. 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