{"id":4727,"date":"2017-12-01T07:55:20","date_gmt":"2017-12-01T12:55:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/?p=4727"},"modified":"2017-12-01T08:36:51","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T13:36:51","slug":"all-thats-gold-may-not-glitter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2017\/12\/all-thats-gold-may-not-glitter\/","title":{"rendered":"All that’s gold may not glitter"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
The name, or the concept, of “group home” is not pretty. I’ve heard people say, “we need a new term for group home.” The term falls from the lips like something dry and dusty. It’s a dead end. Ugly.<\/p>\n

If a group home is run well, though, it is<\/em> beautiful. Look below at a typical monthly calendar from Nat’s group home. What you should notice is that the activities are not necessarily blockbuster Disney-level exciting things. But this does not matter. AT ALL. What matters is that they follow<\/em> this monthly calendar pretty much without fail. The manager gets it to us right at the beginning of the month so that the families can plan around it. The families let the manager know which weekend events their guy can go to. The golden nugget here is that there is communication among all involved.<\/p>\n

The activities are not glamorous, but neither are my family’s. A lot of it is just operations of daily living. The things they do are just what a home might do, night by night, just living a life together. Sometimes it’s food shopping — whomever of the housemates wants to go. Sometimes it’s just a movie on tv. Sometimes it’s baking. Sometimes, though, it’s a trip to Dave&Buster’s or Sky Zone. Is your Netflix binge so much more uplifting?<\/p>\n

In addition to the group activities, every individual in the home has one night a week that is one-to-one with the same staffer every time. This builds a relationship and a structure, around all the other structure written into the calendar. Nat goes with P once a week to his music class at the Teen Center, and P hangs out at the Teen Center, shoots hoops, listens to music. Nat is happy, P seems happy. I go and greet P and watch Nat practice. P brings me the meds Nat will need for the weekend — I must sign for them. It is all very official and yet very very natural and personal.<\/p>\n

When I first heard about this weekly one-to-one, I thought grimly, “Big deal. That’s not much!” But now I see the beauty of it is that it is actually always<\/em> done. Other poorly-run group homes may sometimes have the opportunity for more one-to-one, but is there a plan? Is it predictable? I think that we all know how important predictability is to our guys. And to us. Because if you know where your guy is most of the time, that is a lot of security right there.<\/p>\n

Yes, in the group home the television is always on. Oh, how parents hate that. But I think the TV on is fine. Like it or not, the television is now the hearth, the way the radio used to be for people before TV. The way the fire was before that.\u00a0 In our home it is not the television that is always on, it is our laptops. It really just depends on your social class or your own preference.<\/p>\n

Group homes go out in an ugly van. For many, the group home van has symbolized all that you don’t want for your guy as an adult. It’s gray and it seems so dead-end. Right?<\/p>\n

Well, think again. The van fits all of them like it does your soccer family, and it makes it easier for anyone who is having mobility issues to get in and out comfortably. It’s not a BMW X5 or a Volvo or even a CRV. Nope, it’s an old Toyota minivan.<\/p>\n

So. What. It means they are out in the world, comfortably, dependably.<\/p>\n

A big part of autism adulthood is getting past how things look. The guys may not be cute little boys. Maybe they don’t dress well, maybe they don’t have dental plans. If you are an upper or middle class family in America, you are used to “nice things.”<\/p>\n

If you’re upper middle class you may be used to prettier cars, houses, vacations.\u00a0 But now, in adulthood, in a group home, the guys are in a staffed home together and that in itself is very expensive. The staff live on a shoestring. They work other jobs. But here’s the beautiful thing: most of the staff has been the same for Nat’s entire first year there. I know who will be on when. I have an idea of his day-to-day life.<\/p>\n

So no, the money just isn’t there for the shiny things. Group homes are not shiny. Not all that pretty.<\/p>\n

And yet to me, dig deeper and you will see that even though something doesn’t glitter, it may still be gold. This monthly calendar — its very existence, and the fact that I know it will be followed — this is as shiny and beautiful as a trip to Bermuda.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n

December Recreation Calendar<\/h1>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

Sunday<\/strong><\/td>\nMonday<\/strong><\/td>\nTuesday<\/strong><\/td>\nWednesday<\/strong><\/td>\nThursday<\/strong><\/td>\nFriday<\/strong><\/td>\nSaturday<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
<\/td>\n\u00a0<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/td>\n1<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

2<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Movies <\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

3<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Decorate for Christmas & make ornaments for tree<\/td>\n

4<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

5<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bowling League<\/p>\n

Dunkin Donuts<\/td>\n

6<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Library<\/td>\n

7<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karaoke<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

NatB 1:1<\/strong><\/p>\n

Music<\/td>\n

8<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

9<\/p>\n

Ice Bar in Fanueil Hall<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

10<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Flaming Grill<\/td>\n

11<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

12<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bowling\/<\/p>\n

Dunkin Donuts<\/td>\n

13<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Library<\/td>\n

14<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bake Night<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NatB 1:1<\/td>\n

15<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

16<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Movies<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

17<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NatB Concert <\/strong><\/p>\n

Party afterwards at NatB\u2019s house
\n<\/strong><\/td>\n

18<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

19<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bowling League<\/p>\n

Dunkin Donuts<\/td>\n

20<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Holiday party at [nearby] group home @ 6pm<\/td>\n

21<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Families’ Gift Exchange<\/td>\n

22<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

23<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dave and Busters<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

24<\/p>\n

Hot Cocoa &Cookies\/ Watch Christmas Movies<\/td>\n

25<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

CHRISTMAS DAY<\/strong><\/td>\n

26<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bowling League<\/p>\n

Dunkin Donuts<\/td>\n

27<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Library<\/td>\n

28<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Make Pizza<\/td>\n

29<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

YMCA<\/td>\n

30<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Movies<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

31<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

NEW Years Eve<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chinese Food<\/strong><\/td>\n

<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/td>\n <\/p>\n

 <\/td>\n

<\/td>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

ALL ACTIVITIES ARE EXPECTED TO BE COMPLETED! Please inform the manager immediately if this is not the case. Thank you- Management<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The name, or the concept, of “group home” is not pretty. I’ve heard people say, “we need a new term for group home.” The term falls from the lips like something dry and dusty. It’s a dead end. Ugly. If a group home is run well, though, it is beautiful. Look below at a typical […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4727","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-1ef","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4727","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4727"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4727\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4731,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4727\/revisions\/4731"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4727"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4727"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4727"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}