{"id":597,"date":"2008-03-10T08:21:00","date_gmt":"2008-03-10T08:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog2\/2008\/03\/days-of-miracle-and-blunder\/"},"modified":"2008-03-10T08:21:00","modified_gmt":"2008-03-10T08:21:00","slug":"days-of-miracle-and-blunder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2008\/03\/days-of-miracle-and-blunder\/","title":{"rendered":"Days of Miracle and Blunder"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-style: italic;\">Do not squander time, it is the stuff dreams are made of.<\/span><br \/><span style=\"font-style: italic;\">&#8211;The sign at Twelve Oaks, where Ashley lived.<\/p>\n<p>These are the days of miracle and wonder&#8230;<br \/>&#8211;Paul Simon<\/p>\n<p><\/span>Relentless aches and pains.  Irregular cycles.  Being blue for no reason.  How do others deal with their own mortality and aging?  I have to see my doctor today and I&#8217;m scared.  I can no longer tell myself, &#8220;Oh, don&#8217;t worry, you&#8217;re young.&#8221;  Because I&#8217;m not. <\/p>\n<p>And with Max turning 16, and Nat moving towards moving out, I am starting to feel old.  I find myself having thoughts like, &#8220;This is the best I&#8217;ll ever be, for the rest of my life!&#8221;  This?!  I&#8217;m never going to dance better, etc.  I feel like I&#8217;m dealing with aging, and not very well.<\/p>\n<p>It is hard when society makes you feel like the only people who count are under 35.  The only ones having fun are twenty-somethings, the only way to be beautiful is to look under 35.  And there&#8217;s no way you really can, unless you&#8217;re actually that age.  I know in my head that that is not true, but it is hard to make my stupid inner self understand these things.  My children have their lives ahead of them, God willing, and I wish I did, too.  I wish I didn&#8217;t squander time when I was young.  Youth really is wasted on the young.  But here I am, squandering away, right now.<\/p>\n<p>It is also hard for me when things start to feel very settled, and very linear, proceeding towards a certain goal.  I have said before that I don&#8217;t like feeling settled, I don&#8217;t like feeling like something is resolved or over.  I have a really hard time letting go.  So now I&#8217;m supposed to let go of being a young woman, a young mother.  And yet my grip is Gorilla-glue strong.  I am not doing it very gracefully, I&#8217;m afraid.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do not squander time, it is the stuff dreams are made of.&#8211;The sign at Twelve Oaks, where Ashley lived. These are the days of miracle and wonder&#8230;&#8211;Paul Simon Relentless aches and pains. Irregular cycles. Being blue for no reason. How do others deal with their own mortality and aging? I have to see my doctor [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-597","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-9D","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=597"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/597\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=597"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=597"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=597"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}