{"id":818,"date":"2007-09-05T17:01:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-05T17:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog2\/2007\/09\/daydreaming\/"},"modified":"2007-09-05T17:01:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-05T17:01:00","slug":"daydreaming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/2007\/09\/daydreaming\/","title":{"rendered":"Daydreaming"},"content":{"rendered":"

Daydreamin’ bout the way things sometimes are…<\/span>
BD, Idiot Wind<\/span><\/p>\n

Something’s gotten into me. Tis good, I believe. I am thinking a lot about things that I thought were stuck. I am feeling the fluidity of things and I’m so glad. I think I may have found a new handle on some difficult issues. My therapist once told me that she hoped I would one day be able to integrate even the “ugliest” parts, claim them as mine, like the urge to go back and clean, or go back and check. She hoped that one day I would be able to talk about these needs, acknowledge them, without feeling ashamed, or ugly. <\/p>\n

In my forties this has happened. I don’t have the cleaning urge (God knows! Actually my house could use a little OCD these days…) but I have other ones. Chocolate comes to mind. I don’t want to be a 12-stepper who says, “I just cannot have chocolate. I can’t handle it.” I want to be a person who can control the chocolate. Have some, but not feel like my whole day has now gone to hell because of one bite of it. I want to learn how to regulate. I want to accept that I may gain a little weight, but it’s okay. I want to have my cake and eat it too, know what I’m saying? I’m tired of being Madame de Nile, unless that’s my new BD moniker. I want, I want, I want…<\/p>\n

I am also thinking of premiering publicly as a belly dancer. How do I know I’m good enough? Ready? Lately I don’t much care. Who’s gonna know I’m not<\/span> ready? God knows I’ve practiced enough. It looks like I mostly stay lifted and keep good form. The only thing is, I don’t smile much. And it is hard to look people in the eye and do that stuff.<\/p>\n

But October 18 is fast approaching and I will be 45. I want to do something special! Take back the night, all that. Well, take back the afternoon, I guess. So maybe, just maybe…I’ll gather around my best girlfriends and go for it. But where? How?<\/p>\n

Life just keeps a-going.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Daydreamin’ bout the way things sometimes are…BD, Idiot Wind Something’s gotten into me. Tis good, I believe. I am thinking a lot about things that I thought were stuck. I am feeling the fluidity of things and I’m so glad. I think I may have found a new handle on some difficult issues. My therapist […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pSTth-dc","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/818","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=818"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/818\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=818"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=818"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/susansenator.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=818"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}