Susan's Blog

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Just A Blog of Rain

Some of you may have noticed that I took down (and just reposted) my last blog post, about love. Some readers have been troubled by the fact that I talk about myself and my problems; someone even made the suggestion that if I’m going to do that, and not talk about my kids, I should start a new blog.

I’m not going to start a new blog. I have said before that my blog is about all kinds of things, but all related to me and what I think, how I process life. Autism does not rule my world, and neither do my children. I have been extremely bogged down with one particular friendship lately, (not my husband), and I have tried writing about it to gain clarity. This has helped me tremendously, though it has frustrated some readers.

I guess that is the hazard of relationships, and a hazard of the blog. For us all. The bloggers put themselves out there, and anyone can read and comment. Anyone. And the readers go to the blog in search of something, and sometimes they get it, sometimes, they don’t. The thing that bothers me, I suppose, is that people who came to my blog because of my book have a certain expectation that the blog will be just like the book, a family memoir kind of thing, when in reality, the blog is a lot more personal, self-indulgent at times, perhaps. But my blog is always honest, and that is the similarity to my book. I tell you what I’m thinking, what I’m going through, the painful, the beautiful, the ugly. It makes people wince sometimes. But it is always true. I put pictures of myself up there, and of those in my life who don’t mind being put up there. I think pictures explain what words cannot, and I think they are fun to look at. I sometimes allude to people without explaining who they are, and that’s because I either can’t or choose not to. But sometimes even I cannot put myself out there to have my ass kicked, so I took that post down.

I’m considering deleting anonymous comments because I don’t see any benefit to them. I think people use Anonymous mostly to jab and run. I put myself out there, I think the least I can expect is those who read and comment can put their names to what they write.

Bottom line here is that I am a whole person, not just someone’s mother or someone’s wife. This blog is a warts-and-all kind of thing. As the Grateful Dead said in 1970 in Box of Rain, “Believe it if you need it, if you don’t just pass it on.”


I love the song about Box of Rain.

I think you can and should write about all aspects of your life, without hurting the people you love and care about, of course.

It’s good to see you as a three-dimensional person and I have gained lots of new insight into you and your husband and what it was like before Nat and the other children.

— added by Bronwyn G on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 7:06 am


You come across as a complicated and real person. I love that you wrote that your life isn’t ruled by autism…that is important to state, esp. for us that feel that ours are. I look forward to reading your blog because it always make me pause and think.

I hope you don’t stop writing from your heart, but I can understand how difficult it is to be vulnerable to just anybody out there.


— added by Elaine on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 7:18 am

Keep writing, stop apologizing.

You daily words (as hard as some of them may be to read) keep us connected with you and your family. Something that means a lot to me.

I will admit to being one of the folks that mentioned to Ned that reading your blog was uncomfortable at times. But if *he* was OK with it, who am I to feel uncomfortable?

The source of my discomfort is the fact that we have been friends for so long. If you were a faceless blogger, your blog would be a wonderful and complicated (in the good sense) read.

Keep it up and don’t listen to Scrooges like me.

— added by Andrew on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 9:12 am

Of course you need to do what feels right for yourself and your family. I really like your blog,though,and your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable and multidimensional here is part of what I enjoy!

— added by Melinda on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 9:29 am

Your blog – your rules. If others don’t like it then they can always go get themselves a blog and write about something that pleases them.

— added by Kev on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 11:15 am

I wish you hadn’t taken down that post. As I said, the beauty of the blog is to see YOU, and as a parent of an autistic child, you are not just a mom, but a person that others may relate to. This is still important.

The blog too, can be an artistic experiment. Photos, collages, poetry can deliver the same messages in different packages. I have a book called “Drawing from Live:The Journal as Art” by Jennifer New. In it, there are excerpts from journals in all kinds of formats. Certainly, great writers and artists have kept journals and they have been a great source of inspiration for others — telling of an inner life that readers of books later want to know. We want to know about the person if we enjoy the work.

I see your blog much like this. Stream of consciousness writing, thoughts about friendship, quotes from songs — they make up the fabric of our lives.


— added by Estee Klar-Wolfond on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 12:55 pm

I’m with Estee. One of the things I appreciate most about your blog (and about you) is your willingness to show your vulnerability. It’s unfair for people to exploit that, especially if they are doing it anonymously.

— added by MOM-NOS on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 1:38 pm

It’s your blog. Write about whatever you want.

I think that reading about someone feels so intimate to us–like we’re talking with a good friend–that we think we “know” everything about the author. But people are so much more than their writing: a piece has a particular subject or theme, and there are a bunch of things the author can’t cover in it.

When someone writes something we aren’t used to reading from them, we can feel like we’re dealing with someone else–we’re being cheated out of the imaginary person we’ve made the author into.

Keep challenging us, Susan.

— added by Tera on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 1:39 pm

Well, I guess AD is right about me ;] I click here from ‘the hub’ and when the it’s not about autie stuff it’s a little discombobulating for me (to redirect myself). I generally do like most of the pics, though. Especially of your house; I’d actually like an on-line tour of it. If I recall there is some historical/architectural significance.

— added by hollywoodjaded on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 1:54 pm

I came across your blog yesterday through a series of other blogs, starting with someone I know. I find a lot that way :o) While not autistic, we are going through evaluations with our 5 year old and we’re uncovering things like Sensory Integration Dysfunction, so finding you is timely. Blogs are what you make them. It’s yours. Post what you want to post :o) We read by choice – if there is something we aren’t comfortable reading… well, there are plenty of other things I can read that day.

— added by Jen on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 3:12 pm

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