Susan's Blog

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Channeling Andy Rooney

Did you ever wonder…

Why “Botox” and “Buttocks” sound so similar?
Why “Smother” is just one letter removed from “Mother?”
Why do they call them “Tucks?” Are you supposed to think “tux,” as in galas and balls?
Why can’t we just rename Uranus? Enough embarrassment, already!
How they first discovered the Diet Coke and Mentos thing?
Or how they figured out that they should save the moldy bread and use it to fight infection?
Why “Prius?” It is such a little car, yet the name makes me think the wrong thing! No one will be fooled.
How is it Keith Richard is still alive?
How much we need 1-800-DEAD-YET because it’s hard to keep track! Like Jimmy Stewart?
If you’re not supposed to mix chlorine bleach and ammonia, why is it okay to pee into a toilet that is full of bleach-laden toilet cleaner?
Why is a AA bra size smaller than an A cup but a DD cup is bigger than a D cup?
That sweetmeats are actually stomach entrails? And sweetbreads are from brains, not breads?
…and Grape Nuts have no grapes and no nuts.
If the correct way to use dinner silverware is to “eat your way in,” then why is the teaspoon (ostensibly for dessert and/or coffee) laid outside of the knife?
Why does one woman need both a curling iron and a hair straightener?
Why is it only either boxers or briefs?
How did Pirates vs. Ninjas come about?
Why is it just Ginger or Maryanne and not Gilligan vs. The Professor?
Why are men so into monkeys?
How do you throw out a garbage pail?
Why not equip airplane passenger seats with parachutes? Then I’d listen to those instructions prior to take-off.


Chuck Norris asked the pirates to handle his light work.

— added by Pete Lyons on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 at 11:04 pm

I’ll try and not fixate (like a typical man) on the whole Double-D breast thing, and just go straight to the boxer/briefs issue.

Um…hello? Anyone heard of going regimental? Yeah…that’s right. Sans-undies!

And about the monkey thing…I’m not into any simians all that much, but the name of my band is Big Big Monkey Men. I designed our logo….ain’t it cool! (Click to view…SFW!)

Now then…what was the question?


— added by Anton on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 at 11:16 pm

Pete –
So that means you’re with the Ninja side?
Anton –
In these here parts it’s called “Going Commando” BTW. Very cute logo!!!

— added by Susan Senator on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 6:47 am

Men are into monkeys? Never heard of that one.

— added by Anonymous on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 7:24 am

Right now, just for a few minutes, I’m wearing boxers and briefs. It’s not very comfortable. Now you know why it’s or and not and.

The things I do for science.

— added by Someone Said on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 7:50 am

Sweetmeats can also be pastries and contain no meat at all.

The mold for Penicillin came from a nose, not bread.

— added by Jemaleddin on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 10:36 am

How did Penicilin come from “a nose?” Now I’m really thinking the wrong thing!

— added by Susan Senator on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 11:38 am

To get rid of our garbage pail we put it at the curb and put a large note on it that read, PLEASE TAKE THE GARBAGE CAN TOO, WE HAVE BOUGHT SOME VERY NICE NEW ONES THAT WII BE MUCH EASIER FOR YOU GUYS TO LIFT!!!

— added by Mary Beth on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 2:04 pm

Going commando? Hm. Well, Free-ballin’ was what we called it in college.

Thanks…the logo work was some of my best yet.

I play sax better than I do art, though. I think.

— added by Anton on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 11:06 pm

If the spoon is for dessert, it ought to be at the top of the place setting, not on the outside or anything.

I learned that one from a book, not my mother. 🙂

— added by Julia on Saturday, August 12, 2006 at 7:56 pm

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