Susan's Blog

Friday, September 1, 2006

Night Mere

Last night I had dreams that were stark, colorful, and horrible. In one Benji was a baby and I was somewhere familiar with him and my sister (it was not Cape Cod, it was urban, like Philadelphia). I was going back for his bathing suit, and she and I had a horrible fight. I looked up inside the room I was in and there were like three huge centipedes on the ceiling — but they looked kind of like those “I Love Monsters” craft kits you get at chi-chi toy stores: each had a bright, neon-colored feather across its multi-limbed hairy body. My mother was there, and horrified by the centipedes, as was I. I was afraid they would drop on our heads, and if you’ve ever had a centipede in your house, you know how disgusting they are. Well, these were like 5 inches long and had feathers!

So I took a wagon down the street (all brick, ugly squat apartments) to go back for Benji’s little bathing suit (I don’t get it either, it’s a dream, remember?) Next thing I know, I’m inside, and outside I hear this terrible vehicular sound. I look out the window and I see a scooter-rider being dragged by a car. The car driver didn’t know it.

One important factoid out of the day’s residue: I had Nat go scootering, kind of against his will, yesterday. There were times when I was not watching him because he has become very aware of traffic.

Also, yesterday I said a terrible thing to Max. I was tired and bored, and I said to them all, “Let’s go outside, it’s beautiful out!” No one moved. I had to force them to go. Max stayed inside and I said to him: “You’re a couch potato and you’re going to be a fat adult!”

Oh, God.

He came out shortly after, and looked daggers at me. I muttered, “I’m sorry,” and went in to wash my hands (I had been weeding, pulling out all those horrid tall yellow dandelion-ish weeds that have sprouted everywhere like — well, like weeds). I checked my email, of course, (I am an email addict. Seriously.) Max had sent me the following email:

“You’re a couch potato and you’re going to be a fat adult”
I don’t think that’s fair, I was out “all day” as you put it 3 days in a row. Not outside all the time, but I did go out, walk to kurman’s and best buy, walk to matt’s house, walk up and down newberry street multiple times, etc. what does ben do? at least what i’m doing on the computer is creative while he watches tv all day…

Boy, was I ashamed. And at the same time, so very proud of him for being able to tell me so articulately and assertively and politely all at once, how he felt! I fired back a total apology. Later on, I made him sit down next to me and I kissed him and told him again.

Back to the dreams. I woke up at that point, with the awful sound of the car catching onto the scooter-rider reverberating throughout my head.

I lay there, wide awake. What did it mean? Was everyone safe?

I guess I don’t feel safe. I guess I feel guilty and like I’m allowing both large and small disgusting, terrible things to happen (centipedes, fights, car accidents)? How do I manage to do right by all three of them, my other loved ones, and even myself?

I fear I am screwing up.

Anyone out there know how to interpret dreams?

7 comments

Sometimes our dreams are a manifestation of things that happened during the day. So perhaps the scootering and the comments to Max were playing out in your dream as the accident you saw. The centipedes are interesting indeed. Seeing centipedes are a sign that you’re letting your negative thoughts overtake your life. The fear of them dropping on your head probably comes from the fact that you feel like you’re failing. (Your fears crashing on top of you?) In a strictly interpretation sense, a car accident means, again, that you’re thinking negative thoughts and they’re all crashing around in your head. You’re pushing yourself too hard and you’re going to “crash” like the car.
Honey, you’re not failing. From what I read, you’re doing a wonderful job with your boys!!! *hugs* Don’t fret. We moms all say things, sometimes horrible things, that we don’t mean to our babies. We just have to make sure we’re not doing it all the time. 🙂
Dreammoods.com is a great place for dream interpretation.

— added by Jen on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 9:32 am

My dreams are often about what I fear. This is true especially in the case of what’s been happening in Patrick’s life.

For example, I will probably dream about a person-eating school that runs rampant over our little town soon after Patrick takes his first trip to kindergarten.

Of course I could just be neurotic. *grin*

— added by mumkeepingsane on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 10:09 am

Oh, I also wanted to add that I think you and your son acted admirably after your initial argument. Good for both of you. It’s sometimes hard to appologize and admit you did something wrong. You sound like such a loving mom.

— added by mumkeepingsane on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 10:11 am

You guys have made my day; thanks! I do tend to beat up on myself, it’s true… in between times of selfishness and wildness!

— added by Susan Senator on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 10:21 am

My philosophy (after raising 3 kids and now with Chris, my “bonus kid”) is that we have the opportunity to teach our children some very important life skills when our human limitations are manifested.

-How to stand up for themselves
-How to confront differences without degrading the other person
-How to apologize
-How to forgive themselves and others
-How to make the best of an unfair situation
-How to laugh when we want to cry

Hang in there. I beat myself up all the time, too…even with adult kids I wonder how many battles they deal with now that I caused in their childhood. Then, they’ll do something that shows me how wonderfully well-adjusted they really are and I am comforted.

— added by Rebecca on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 10:35 am

I have a site that I use to look up some strange dreams that I have. It is:

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

You can look it up by keyword and it seems to be a site that is not filled with a lot of ads or pop-ups.

I hope that it helps.

— added by Mom on Friday, September 1, 2006 at 4:53 pm

Hi there! You’re a good mom for apologizing; he’s a good kid for dealing with his hurt feelings that way.

Kudos!

— added by MaNiC MoMMy™ on Wednesday, September 6, 2006 at 9:38 am

%d bloggers like this: