Susan Senator

It’s from this that you get yer strength, Katie Scarlet: The red earth of Tara!-
–Gerarld O’Hara, GWTW

Something about the blissful monotony of seaglass-blue sky and white-hot sun
And the desperation of repeated frustration and anguish
Produces an unlocking, a stretching of the mental joints
The muscles in my heart ache from overuse in one direction: why, why, why does he do that? what, what, what is it? how, how, how can I stop it?!

You don’t stop it.
You turn towards it.
You don’t fight it; it is a riptide. It is yet another hill, in top gear, after hours of riding.
You push on that pedal anyway. Push the muscle one more time, with no reserves left.
You push and pull, push and pull. You just move.

And you climb. You dive. You turn towards him. His seaglass-blue eyes are as wide as the sky, and full of something.
Questions. The obsessions are really questions?
How does the world work? What will happen next?

Tell me again. Tell me the story about the weather. Tell me the story about what everyone will eat, when, and what will happen after that. I love to hear you talk about it, the same every time, maybe a little bit more added each time.

Conversation like treading water. Seeming to get nowhere. Paddle in one place. But you look up and you have moved somehow.

And he is smiling.