Susan's Blog

Saturday, August 4, 2007

You Can Fudge Happiness

Okay, so there’s the light at the end of the tunnel. I see it. It’s so bright it is blinding me. Good. It has now been a week — knock wood — that Nat has been happy and calm. He is still very animated and interested in what others are doing, especially at dinnertime, but not in a way that gets him upset. I sure don’t mind discussing once or thrice who is going to use salt and who is not; that’s just dinnertime conversation! It was just so difficult before when no answer seemed to satisfy him. Or we all had to pretend to use salt on everything just to placate him. But tonight I even said, “Max might use the salt, but sometimes people don’t use salt.” The dreaded, ambiguous “sometimes.” Nat then repeated his desire to see Max use salt, but only once.

On Friday we went to his doc and talked meds, which was a good thing. We came up with a longterm plan for him, which may involve a small dose of an anti-seizure medication. We are going to see if his new, higher level of Risperdal is helping his seratonin, etc. He is still on a fairly low dose of Risp., and I’m glad we don’t have to increase it yet again.

We also came up with a shortterm plan, to help with the difficulty of the airport and the plane ride. We now have Klonipin, which may make him sleepy, but that would be good for all the travel mishegos. I am going to call our airport Monday and talk to someone there about special considerations. For example, even if Nat knows to expect to take his shoes off to go through the x-ray, he will not like it and there is a chance for an outburst at a very bad time and place. I have a note from the doctor, too.

I gotta start packing and figuring out what to take and how much. Very exciting, but also vomit-inducing dread.

What helps that every time is a snippet of fudge. And since I had a lot of anxiety, I had a lot of fudge. That stuff is unbelievably good. Nat and I share an ability to eat infinite amounts of fudge without getting ill. We eat it until it is gone, not until we hurl. Fudge, for me, is the Anti-ralph.

I bought another brick of the stuff last night, because I went to Provincetown with Laura. We went out to dinner, got incredibly sloshed and then we were only a hop, skip, and a jump (especially a skip) from Provincetown, so there we went. I told her I had to get more low-carb taffy and more fudge, the miracle food for Nat and me. Et voila, they had cookie ‘n’ creme fudge, which I bought for Little B, my Oreo fiend.

We also went into Spank the Monkey, or maybe it was Hocus Pocus, and bought me, for the first time, a handful of new navel jewelry: a teensy red die, a little peppermint-like pink and white ball, a purple disc, and a tiny amber rose. The amber rose is to go with my new bellydance costume, which I bought while depressed a couple of days ago. It is gold colored, with bronze and gold beading. I think I will feel completely like Cleopatra in this one (yes, that’s a good thing). I have not received it yet, but soon, soon. A new cossie feels as good as fudge, and is far more flattering.

1 comment

I think many moms can relate to your stress in preparing for your trip, and Nat’s too. Let’s face it; in most cases, it is the mom who is in charge of the details, even when our hubby and kids are pretty capable of doing that themselves. We know that it is the great planning that leads to a smooth journey! I hope all the travels are good ones, esp. Nat’s. He is a brave boy, and he gets that from you!! If the airport security can handle the threat of terrorism, surely we all hope they can roll with Nat’s issues and take it in stride.

Wondering why you removed your lovely poem from the blog? I read it this morning and thought about it during the day. It was very personal, obviously, but I think we all can relate to pursuing something, or someone, who turned out to be nothing but a wishful mirage, leaving us feeling foolish and regretful. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

— added by Sam's mom on Sunday, August 5, 2007 at 5:30 pm

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