Susan Senator

This is the second night that Max is away. Yesterday, very early in the morning, he left for his eighth grade trip to Maine. It is going to be three full days of stuff Max never does: white-water rafting, obstacle courses, rock-climbing, sleeping in minimal cabins. No Internet for Maxie! The class spent all year raising money for this trip and the parents, of course, still had to kick in an exorbitant amount of money, but I did it gladly because to get Max to try outdoor adventurous stuff is — well, difficult to say the least. He looks like a California surfer but his heart belongs to Mac.

I miss him so much. He is a graceful, happy presence in our home. He walks into a room and lights it up with his beauty. His smile is very wise and his eyes notice everything; they always have. He always has seemed old beyond his years and so competent that I think a lot of the time I feel kind of safer when he’s around. Without him, the house is not quieter, exactly (he’s very quiet, except for his heavy step); it is emptier.

Max left and just before he did I told him to wake Ben and kiss him goodbye. I didn’t tell him to wake Nat. I figured that Nat might be confused because they never kiss and rarely even greet each other. I did remember to explain to Nat that Max is away, in case he was wondering but I have to admit that I did not really know if he would notice.

Boy was I wrong.

Tonight, Nat was sitting kind of forlorn on the couch. Ned went over to him and asked, “What’s the matter, Natty?”
Nat replied immediately, “Want Max to come home.”
I hugged him and kissed him and told him that I did, too.
I always have to be reminded of Nat’s big capacity to love. How lucky for us that he could tell us. Little Sweet Guy.