Susan Senator

Physical therapy is a weird experience. Some guy hooks up your aching joint or muscle to some electrical stimuli for a few minutes. Then, he rubs same parts down with an ultrasound tool smeared with ultrasound goo (the last time I did that I saw baby Benji in my belly, but this was obviously a different body part). Then, you get the massage of your dreams, but only on one little part of you. Then, he contorts you in ways that you didn’t think possible, wedging his body against you so that you stay in that position long enough to feel like a circus freak.

Why does it work? Well, I could bore you with what I learned from when I read the full article about my condition but, let’s just get to the feels. I’ve only gone twice and I feel so much less pain! I have been maintaining the same level of activity, too. I cannot believe how much better I feel.

But it is all very awkward. For one thing, I always feel like I wear the wrong thing, but what would the right thing be? I wear nice shorts and my espadrilles, because I never wear sneakers if I can help it — only for exercise. One therapist asked if I wanted to change into some gym shorts they had. But why would I? He would still have to stick his hand up my shorts to get to the hip. Why oh why did it have to be the hip? A foot would have been less embarrassing, but I suppose I’d have to consider foot odor in that case. So he tucks a sheet around me, as if that makes a difference, all the while chatting so that neither of us has to think about all the different parts on display. I feel I have to make sure my legs are really smooth, too. I’m sure it doesn’t matter, but I just could not relax if I knew I had cactus legs.

I also wonder about the etiquette while lying there. It is not like a spa massage, where it is totally about you, and you can drift off to dreamland or read Vogue or whatever you want. Here, it’s like I’m supposed to talk with him. I’m definitely not supposed to moan with pleasure, but that thigh massage is pretty intense! I don’t really mind talking with him, but it’s not relaxing to me to do so. I brought my book today, and I did not get a chance to read much.

Next week I go to the other guy, because mine’s on vacation. So, new awkwardness just when I was beginning to get the hang of this guy.

I also wonder if they change the pillow cases on the pillows that they slip between your legs and under your head…

Weird, icky stuff but it certainly works.