Susan Senator

My bright and honest friend Pete has an interesting blog post today about things he doesn’t like, which others assume he does. Or things he should like, but does not. I told him I would do one too because I think it is cool.

Things one would think I would like but I really do not/things I should like but I really do not:

1) Jazz. Tried it, I know it is supposed to be so cool, but it always, always sounds like cacophony to me.
2) The Sopranos, 24, Lost. Too gloomy and doomy. Sopranos: stupid, banal violence; 24: Jack Bauer is an idiot who takes too many risks, the other people seem to be somber dolts. No one smiles. Lost: lost me after one episode because it scared me so much, which I don’t like.
3) Deval Patrick, the Progressives’ choice for Governor in Massachusetts. He bugs me, especially his stance on high-stakes testing (he’s for it). Still, of course he’d be eons better than Mitt Romney or Kerry Healy (the Republicans) who just cut everything, even when we have the revenue.
4) Blogs that are too self-absorbed. Ironic, eh? But I mean the ones that are just “today I bought shoes; today I’m bored” and no other, larger point is made. I always try at least to have a larger point and some wit.
5) Leggings with skirts or even with shorts. Leggings are back and should never have been here in the first place (the eighties). Utterly stupid looking and hot (I mean temperature).
6) Red wine and beer. Dry, rusty tasting-stuff. I know it is considered higher quality than white but I can’t drink it, esp. merlot and rioja. Give me Pinot Grigio anyday. Beer, same thing. Tastes like paste to me, but not as good. Nothing is cooler-looking than swigging from one of those thin-necked green bottles but I can’t, I just can’t.
7) Tattoos. I know I’m a bit of a wild woman, but I still don’t like tatts. Except for Jason-the-Lifeguard’s circular wave imprinted on his right calf muscle, I hate most tattoos because they look like bruises or dirt from far away.
8) The Theatre. Most plays feel fake to me. Most musicals embarrass me — all that over-the-top joyous smiley singing.
9) Being asked to play a game. See previous blog posts about how I was forced to play Monopoly with my sister as a kid.
10) Book groups/playgroups. I feel like I’m speaking a different language in these things. I hate the clean-up afterwards, too.
11) Sesame Street. Actually, most children’s “edifying” kind of shows depress me, adults singing and joking with big hairy puppets bugs me in general, but Sesame Street in particular is boring because it changes direction with lightning speed, is not funny when it is trying to be, seems to teach things randomly and arbitrarily (why Spanish? why not Chinese or Yiddish? I have nothing against Spanish, but you see my point?).
12) Woodsy vacations (New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, Lenox). I need open space and sunlight. The woods smell good, but are often cold and crunchy underfoot, buggy, and dark.
13) Camping. I need luxury on vacation. Soft beds, room service, Do Not Disturb signs. I camped for my whole childhood and enjoyed it but I am grown up now and far too cranky for sleeping in a tent with children. For any of the friends of mine out there looking to book me a vacation, please see my dream villas on enjoymexico.net/villa-rentals/punta-mita/ and get us something to indulge in!
14) Autism cure books. But you wouldn’t think I liked that anyway! They totally depress me!!!!
15) ‘Eighties music. It is my era; I went to college in the early ‘eighties. But it is pretty much a total wasteland for music.
16) Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Matthew McConaughey and the panoply of boy-toy “hunks” of today’s celebrity fame. I hate the semi-shaved head-with-earring-yet-way-too-perfect-wax-museum-body look they all seem to have. I want to see men with some flaws, with a little softness that age and experience bring to the body, I want to see messy hair and intelligent eyes.
17) Snow. I live in Boston, too. But I don’t live here for the weather, that’s for sure. Yeah, the first snowfall of the year is pretty — pretty damned cold and depressing! And hard to shovel, wet, sloppy, can’t park your car in it. And when it hangs around and gets dirty — ugh!
18) The editorial page of a good newspaper. Often the writing is ponderous, not witty, pompous, self-righteous. (not to be confused with the op-ed page, which I love to read).
19) Militant Milkers. Sure, breastfeeding is very good for your baby, but if you can’t or don’t want to do it, that should be okay, too.
20) Lists that must have either ten or twenty items. Why is that? Because we have ten fingers and ten toes, Ned says. No other reason. Ten is totally arbitrary. So there, I’m done.
Fire away.