Susan Senator

Love, rollercoaster child
Rollercoaster — Loving you is beautiful
The Ohio Players, 1976

My life is like a rollercoaster, Baby. Part of it is the career I’ve chosen, that of a writer. Part of it is my personality: I look for and relish drama the way Nat looks for spice in food. Part of it is the dramatic makeup of my family: having Nat and autism in my life tends to cause some extra drama and emotional vulnerability.

Yesterday I was in the dumps. (Yes, yes poor me, just back from two weeks at the Cape, but I want my moment of misery, so just sit back and read. ) I had just gotten back from my vacation, and even though I wrote a funny blog post about Pluto, the day slid downward from there. Chores and drudgery stretched before me, the house is dirty as promised, no food in the fridge, dirty sheets, tons of mail, and cold rain. Max left to be with friends, and Nat got sick in school so I had to go get him. The minute he walked out with his teacher I knew he was totally fine but I was required to take him home for 24 hours. He was grinning as he got into the car. (Well, I am glad that he wasn’t really sick!) One bright spot: Benj seen me playing solitaire on Online Casino USA and he wanted me to teach him solitaire with cards. He was so cute learning it, flipping cards with his delicate little brown smeary fingers.

Nothing to write either except novel, novel, novel. Is it any good? I just don’t know. It is very subtle and not a lot of action. Sometimes it bores me; not a good sign. Sometimes it moves me to tears, probably a great sign. Anyway, it’s almost done.

But then, while food shopping, I got a call on my cell from someone’s secretary asking to make an appointment for a phone meeting about a book project. So that felt better.

Got all the work done and eventually took a nap. Too good a nap — that’s why I needed the ice cream. I ate a ton of Edy’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. (But, to my credit, I resisted the downward carb slide and was “good” for the rest of the day.) Then Ned phoned to say he’d be missing dinner and so did Max! Dinner with Nat and Ben. God forgive me, not the most stellar conversationalists. I had a big salad, whisper of dressing. They had noodles. Pass the salt, don’t take so much salt. Are you asleep yet?

Total blah, except there was that phone call.

Today, I had the phone meeting. It went extremely well. I started working right away, and I felt my brain focus just like the old MPWA days. I had an idea and a verbal committment for a project, a really good project for me. I was on a total high. I ate almost nothing, because I was so busy! Max told me he needed a ride somewhere, hinted really, (so like Max not to ask outright), and I said, “Honey, today is the day to ask me for anything, I just got some really good news!” Dropped him off at the T and didn’t see him until dinner. Nat was all better and went off to school smiling. I ran into a dear friend in CVS. And Ben had a playdate, that kid who is so easy you could just eat him for dessert. Even though Ned once again did not come home for dinner, I am happy. (He has a damned good reason, don’t worry.)

A very good day. Today, I mean, not yesterday. That’s the rollercoaster I live on.