Susan Senator
All happy families are not alike...
All happy families are not alike...
Unlocking is in the Eye of the Keyholder
The other day I was talking to someone who wants to work with an autistic boy. I loved her enthusiasm and her curiosity. But then she made a starry-eyed comment about how she thinks maybe she can just “unlock” him…
Then, I heard from a friend who told me that her kid’s residential school, once so in love with the boy, is now complaining about his difficulty sleeping and they are making noises about having him there less often…
What’s wrong with this picture? Professionals dumping their incompetence or ignorance on the families. Professionals not understanding what their responsibilities are, who their charges are.
First, let me say that just about every person I have ever encountered who has gone into autism education is an idealistic, bright, competent, loving person. I am eternally grateful to: Debbie, Nyemade, Abby, Teresa, Renee, Jay, Dr. W, Dr. B, Dr. K, Dr. M, Dr. R, Stephanie, Stephanie, Jen, Megan, Maureen… to name a few!
But it must be said that people who go into a profession like teaching need to be aware of their motives and of the possible disappointments. Like anything else, if one’s expectations are too high, or somehow unrealistic, one is bound to be let down sooner or later.
I wonder what, exactly, my friend’s kid’s school thought they were undertaking when they set up a residential home for autistic kids? Did they expect a monolithic group whom they could subdue, guide, enlighten, or unlock? And then, lo and behold, they discover that, hey! Not all autistic kids are alike! Some even have trouble sleeping! Who knew? D’oh, why didn’t anyone tell me?
Seriously, if unlocking is the purpose, then I have a problem with that. Must I say it? Okay: these guys are just people, with unique challenges and personalities, and a school or teacher needs to be willing to get to know them on their terms. Going at a person with a metaphorical key in your hand sounds almost like a violation to me. If my therapist thought, “I am getting closer to unlocking Susan,” I would dump her. Who the hell is she to think she can unlock me? She can tease apart some of my issues, but I am my own keyholder. Some things can stay locked up, know what I mean? My choice.
It is no different for our autistic kids. There’s no mystery, there is only difference. Or as my grandmother might have said, “Unlocked-a is Facoct-ah!
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Hi, Susan!
I agree with you totally about the nonsense of “unlocking” autistic people (or any other people, for that matter).
This post reminds me of Amanda’s video about being considered an unperson. If someone is “locked up” inside themselves, it’s okay to talk about them like they’re not there, beat them, abuse them, drug them, etc. And it gives teachers/friends/parents/whoever the idea that they should have more power over the person than they should. (“Without me, you can’t be a real person, because I have the ‘key.'”)
Your grandmother sounds like a wise (and awesome) lady, btw š
My son had a completely incompetent “special education resource teacher” who went straight from teaching grade 8 regular math to being in charge of a class of 15 high-needs kids with disabilities, with no additional training. Her supervisor confessed to me that she thought the teacher had thought it would be easier to teach kids who were “lower-functioning” than to teach regular kids!! So she had gone into special ed as a way of lightening her load!
To the person who posted about the incompetent teacher:
For what it’s worth, that problem probably didn’t last very long. Problems like that tend to run their course and work themselves out into whatever their final resolution will be relatively quickly. It is obvious that she knew nothing about teaching special education, so I bet she burned out in a short period of time. It is unfortunate that your son had to put up with it, but I’m guessing not many other kids did in the long run.
I agree with Susan’s point of view about unlocking. When I encounter a parent with this point of view, I feel happy and relieved. It can get really negative and disturbing when people want us to “unlock” or “cure.”
I’m not sure how relevant or useful people will find this information, but I think I can shed some light on a lot of the conflicts that can arise between parents and teachers:
Parents see their children from a primarily individual point of view. They see Johnny as Their Little Johnny. They see him from an emotionally-based standpoint. This is how it should be. It is their job. Johnny needs this.
Teachers tend to see children as a member of a community (whether the community be the classroom, the neighborhood the child lives in, or the society at large). They see Johnny as a person who is responsible to and accountable to the community. They think about the pragmatic logistics of how Johnny will maximize his options and potential. This is also how it should be, and it is also the teacher’s job. Johnny needs this, too.
Parents do see their kids from the teacher’s point of view I’ve described above, and teachers do see kids from an individual, emotional type of standpoint, but parents and teachers have their respective jobs. Most of the time, they both want the same thing for the kids, but sometimes their different duties result in conflict.
Dear Susan,
This is my first time commenting on your blog, though I’ve been reading it for some time now. I’ve also read and loved your book. So I guess this makes me a big fan!
I’m in school now studying speech-language pathology and I’m writing a thesis about AAC. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate this entry, because I truly believe that your book and entries like this will make me a better clinician someday.
Thank you. š
I hope by “unlock” she just meant that she could establish a reliable way to communicate with him and learn more about him, not to bring out things that were overly private. I agree, it is not anyone’s job to yank information out of someone, no matter how much they want to help.