Susan Senator

A day of dreaming and nothing. Three boys home, too cold to play outside. I danced, I napped, read, I cleaned, I got a (silver) pedicure. I feel a bit like a parasite, however; a purposeless, adrift thing. One of those creatures that just floats around under the sea. I keep trying to do things of value, but it is hard to always contribute. I feel the need to justify my existence. Here’s my list: I am waiting to hear from two editors and my agent; what else is new? One editor has a piece I wrote on the new CDC numbers and what that means to me; the other is a piece I wrote on the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology and their new guidelines for Down Syndrome, etc. where they will now test every pregnant woman and counsel her “neutrally.” So if that gets published — in the Sunday Globe Mag, no less — I guess I will be on record now as not being all that Pro-Choice. Life becomes more complicated for me, no pun intended.

I have also booked two more conferences: one is actually the Harvard Medical School annual autism conference, which is kind of an honor, I suppose. The other is another gig in Montreal. That makes three in Canada in the next year, perhaps one in Alabama, one in progress in Virginia, one in Sioux Falls, and one in NYC.

On the homefront, in the name of trying to be a good mom, I taught Nat how to do laundries, both colored and white. He was very interested. I also had him make his own breakfast and lunch. I really try to teach him things, help him grow, all the time. I took the three of them to Finagle a Bagle, because we needed bagles and because we needed to get out of here for a little bit. I got a Greek salad, and they got snacks. We ran into some friends there, which was nice.

But I feel so overwhelmingly cold, and kind of listless. So I googled some warm weather vacations which we won’t take. Jamaica, Bermuda, St. Thomas. All five of us on a plane! Makes me tired just thinking about it. What I really want/need is a vacation just with Ned but my parents are very busy these days. That would fix me up pretty good. Probably not gonna happen.

So here is my vacation, when I can’t do anything else: I daydream about bellydance. I imagine looking like Sonya, of the Bellydance Superstars (she is the last one performing on this little YouTube video). I have found the perfect outfit, which I would love to buy, and I just might. Maybe once I sell the second book, I will celebrate with buying this outfit. I still can’t imagine ever performing, however.

If I dance tonight, I suppose I will feel more worthwhile.