Susan Senator

Inside outside
Where have I been?
Out of my brain on a 5:15.
Out of my brain on a train!
–The Who, Quadrophenia

I drunk myself blind to the sound of old T-Rex
–The Who, Face Dances, and no, I didn’t. But I did think a lot about old T Rex today.

Today I took a field trip with the entire third grade, to the Harvard Museum of Natural History, in conjunction with their “Jaws and Claws” science unit! We took the T there, (MBTA to you non-Bostonians) which involved changing trains at Park Street in downtown Boston. Imagine 60 third graders, one-third of them with parents, (both Ned and I went!) and all the teachers and aides. Well, I have to say there were a lot of surprised commuters.

I am exhausted but not able to nap, which I think is a good thing. It means my mind is feeling too alive to shut down and I think that bodes well for the depression situation. I knew I’d be tired out but I made myself go because 1) Beastie really wanted me to and 2) Probably in another year or two he will not anymore. It all changed so fast with Max, and he was such an outwardly loving boy! It makes me ill to imagine preadolescence with Little Beast. Oy vey’s mir.

This was the cutest museum! All kinds of old-fashioned diorama kind of exhibits! Smelled just a little bit like a grandmother’s house, or an old sweater. Just like when I was a kid and we went to all the New York museums, like every weekend, it seemed. I even began to feel ‘museumy’ i.e., nudgy, like “Oh, I am so done with this place!”

But we stayed a while longer and I got a second wind. We really had a chance to check out the critters and attend a little show on predators. The museum guy had animals to pass around, and I got to handle a huge frog, who puffed himself way up as a defense. So cute and valiant! So poignant, that he would think this would work to ward off someone as big as me! But good for him, to try! To do the right thing, even in the face of utter, certain failure. Very existentialist frog.

We also patted a corn snake (harmless) whose moves reminded me of belly dancers (the good ones). I was so proud of Little B, who raised his hand a lot and told a story about how he saw a picture of a boa constrictor swallowing a deer.

It was lovely, just lovely, spending time next to Ben like that, looking at his sweet excited face: “Ew! Baleen!” Brushing his long, messy hair (which smells like pencils) from his forehead: “Mom! Not in public!” And then he grabs my hand when he crosses the street. So cute and valiant! His small pale hand is always warm and a little sticky. I could weep over his hand.

Looking at the dinosaurs made me think about the new discovery, that conclusively links dinosaurs to chickens. Proof that God has a sense of humor! How the mighty are fallen. Of all the creatures great and small in this vast world of ours to be related to; the chicken? I’m sure the TRexs are rolling over in their fossils about this one. Why not the lion? Or the elephant? Or at least a really big bird, like Big Bird, or the ostrich! But a chicken? Is there anything more benign or innocent than a freshly-hatched chick? And yet! They are related to the most ferocious creatures that ever walked the earth. But seriously, will this mean that you’ll be able to get Kosher dinosaur meat now, too? And — most importantly, will it taste like chicken?