Susan Senator

My ups, my ups, my lovely lady ups.
–Black-Eyed Peas (?)

I took a one-day hiatus from sharing my blog with all of you. Yesterday began horribly, and it led to my decision to take myself back from the Public I. But in doing so, I forgot just how many good-hearted people there are out there who are compassionate and help me just as much as they claim I help them.

I am going to summarize some of what’s going on:
1) An excellent IEP meeting on Monday, where we (the team) did a lot of working out details of Nat’s coming year in terms of his comprehensive development (vocational training, communication work, leisure/fun repetoire). Everyone seemed really to understand Nat, and to appreciate his gifts. There were many specific examples as well as clinical three-year evaluations of Nat’s growth. To fully understand how far he has come in just a few years — this made me very happy. I now feel that we have a vision for the next 5 years, and a bit of a path has been cut for us to follow.

However, as often happens when something wonderful occurs regarding Nat, I became very melancholy over the next few days. I realized once again just how much psychological energy it takes to do what I need to do for him. Not just the meetings and the phone calls and the delicate negotiating with others; there is also the weight of worry about him, the lifelong sense of his dependence on us. The feeling that he is such an innocent, as compared to the complex world he lives in, and the need to be sure he can either protect himself (whether from the errant car that runs the light even though Nat sees that the sign says he can “walk,” or from the indifferent professional whose lack of connection cuts off an avenue of potential growth and happiness) or be protected.

2) Max wants to get dredlocks. He is 15 and it is getting harder and harder for me to tell him he can’t do things to his appearance. I can give him my opinion, and try to steer him away from what I think are unfortunate choices. I save the fights for really important stuff, like morality, grades, safe sex, no drugs or alcohol.

3) Spring is in high gear; I took my first 10 mile bike ride today. Heavenly. The new leaves are out on all the trees (the lighter green, temporary ones that fall off and are replaced by darker ones). My garden is colored like a box of Jordan Almonds. Too bad you can’t eat tulips!

4) Ben’s birthday party is Sunday. We have rented a moonbounce with a slide. We are trying to figure out what the cake should be…