Susan Senator

Why do we feel so bad one day and so good the next, without there being a whole lot that is different day-to-day in the actual events?

Nat is definitely happier all of a sudden. I don’t really think it’s the fudge. I think it’s the pre-warn that helps Nat feel better about the varying routines in the summertime. (“Now, Nat, remember: Max will be in bed when you have breakfast. He won’t have breakfast until you get on the bus.”

“Okay, yes, Mommy will close the door.”) I went over and kissed and kissed him, telling him how happy he was making me because he was staying calm. He looked very pleased. And I am so pleased with how calm and comfortable he seems today and yesterday; the difference is night and day. Or maybe he is just so touched that I bought all that fudge for him? Maybe just the promise of that chocolate goodness at the end of the day is enough to make him able to stay calm? However good fudge is to me, maybe it is even more delicious to Nat that I can’t even imagine such a thing! Who knows? Because we don’t really know how another person experiences something, I can’t know. And I want to know because I want to learn so that next time I’ll have more of an idea of what to do. Tonight, with Nat joining Ned and me on the porch (I was finishing the Sunday NYTimes crossword and Ned was answering email), it felt so good to have him smiling at us, even joking with Ned who kept trying to get him to stop sucking his thumb. But I’ll take a thumbsucking 17 year old any day over armbiting and screaming. Mmmm thumb.