Susan Senator

So the last two nights I have been trying to do what a therapist suggested: at dinner, each of us tells the others one thing he/me did that was good today. The first time I did it, Ned wasn’t there for dinner, and Max rolled his eyes. But we each managed to crap something out. I had prompted Nat a little bit, to talk about art class, which he loves. I loved watching Ben and Max pay attention to Nat, loved the surprise that flickered through their eyes as he expressed himself, a bright, brief flash of son-shine.

I also am amazed at how it actually works, and makes it feel like a Real Family Dinner. It is utterly ironic, because it starts with a strange and marked effort, but it is similar to fake laughter, where it begins totally forced and artificial, but always ends up as the real thing. The first night we then went off on a tangent about their cousin Paul and what to get him for his birthday (he is such a Leo, even down to the mane of blond curls surrounding his head). I repeated a few salient details to Nat, to keep him a part of things.

Last night, I made us do it again, and Ned looked at me like I was nutz. (not that there’s anything wrong with it) But Ben looked a little excited, because he could think of something he wanted to tell. I helped Nat talk about his community outing at school where he had ordered and purchased chocolate ice cream. I talked about the highly animated argument/great conversation I had with my agent, Ned talked about some stuff he’d accomplished at work (sorry, it did not compute), and right now I can’t remember what the other two talked about, but they talked. Music to my ears. As stilted as the thing was, it really, truly made me feel good.