Susan Senator

In Plato’s Apology, he writes that Socrates claims that a wise man is wise in that he knows that he does not know. I think the truth here is that we all think we know something, and no matter how hard we try not to become closed by what we think, still it happens that we make assumptions, and we are sometimes dead wrong.

I have been thinking for months that I want to be a bellydance teacher to disabled girls. I had a feeling, I suppose based on my experiences with Nat ten + years ago that mainstream places which offer extracurriculars like art, music, and dance, were in fact often less than accommodating when it came to my boy. I developed an inner certainty, based on this experience, and on the fact that there were organizations like KOALA in my area, which stands for — I forgot — but which was an organization that would come in and teach extracurricular organizations how to include guys like Nat effectively. I never did apply to KOALA; I only heard that they did wonderful work — through the ARCs — in getting places like your local art center or music school to accommodate properly.

It always seemed like a huge task to me. To have to apply for such a thing — how long would it take to come through — and then to hope that it would really do what it promises. And then, by the time it all shakes out, would Nat even still be interested in the art or music activity? I quit before I even began.

This did not mean I gave up; instead, I formed my own alternative groups, like a special needs soccer team. And then I found alternative groups like Special Olympics, and Alternative Leisure/Trips Unlimited (a privately run group that takes special needs kids on outings). I liked the solidarity found in these separate groups, I liked the way we did not have to apologize or feel extra grateful that they allowed Nat to be a part of things. (I hate, absolutely hate, having to ask the world to do me a favor and put up with Nat, when really, he is such a good kid with so many good qualities; they should be trying to get to know him even if some of his issues are hard to deal with. He’s never rude like so many of his typical peers; he is willing to try new things, also unlike many of his peers.)

In terms of inclusion, I have ever had a chip on my shoulder. I want to see great examples of places that include without an attitude of “we’re doing this wonderful thing for you, poor Special Needs Mom, be grateful, while you pay an additional $100 for an aide, as well as the cost of our fantastic program.”

So I wanted to make my Baby Bellies class at the school fully inclusive. I went into the substantially separate classroom and told the teachers that their kids were welcome. I emailed and talked to friends with autistic children and urged them to come to my class. Then, I went up to a friend whose kid has some intense physical disabilities and told her she should consider the class. I was so excited when she said her child would! I felt proud of myself, for offering a truly welcoming environment for these kids who are so often left out.

But so far, none of these have signed up! When I inquire, they all tell me it is because my class conflicts with after school therapies. Or harried lives. And I checked in with that friend the other day, and she told me that her child would not be taking my class! “Oh,” I thought, “is the child nervous about taking a physical activity with non-disabled kids? Is she afraid of being different?” I wanted to explain that in my class, unlike so many others, all kids would be welcome and helped!

Then the mom explained, “It’s just that she’s got so many other things going on, soccer, basketball… She really thinks of herself as a jock rather than a dancer. But thanks!”

I had to laugh at myself. Even when you think you know, you don’t always. Meanwhile, I have seven kids signed up. There are three new girls coming in, who I’m sure will present me with their own delights and challenges, even though they do not come with IEPs!