Susan Senator

The language of a family is unique and fascinating. By living together and by sharing a collection of genes and experiences, you learn to speak each other’s language. Most humans — and indeed, many animals in general — have the capacity to read each other. Some are more adept than others.

I had always loved reading and figuring people out. I was a communication major at the Annenberg School at Penn, and there we mostly studied how people interact, all the various modes and media. But even before that, I prided myself on my ability to decipher others’ minds. My parents were probably my first “projects.” They have always fascinated me, because they are like me, and then again, they are completely themselves. Sure, you could say that my deep interest in understanding my parents sprung from a kind of Freudian survival instinct; who doesn’t need to be in sync with their parents during childhood?

My connection with Mom and Dad continued into adulthood because they have continued to be full-fledged people in their own right. They have their own lives that they are still leading, and a marriage that has so far lasted 50 years (on the 25th). And they have their own language, complete with history, baggage, and jokes that they have shared with me, somewhat. I feel that I know so well how they think that I can imitate them and predict certain of their reactions.

Dad and I have always played a game called “opposites,” ever since I came home in first grade describing this bit of curriculum I had learned. It started out with Dad giving me fun little quizzes like, “What is the opposite of up?” That kind of thing. But, like other family interactions, this opposite game took on a life of its own. One time, on his way back from work, Dad reported that he almost went off the road laughing because he had finally nailed an opposite to “Yassir Arafat:” No Ma’am, I’m Skinny. It goes like this: Yas = No; Sir = Ma’am;
Ara [You’re] = I’m; Fat = Skinny. You may think you understand this now, and maybe you get the basics, but there is also so much family history here. Like the fact that many of Dad’s opposites are about historic figures, particulary World War I and forward. Dad is a historian. But also, he is fascinated/obsessed with certain questions in history like “How could the world have let the Holocaust happen?” It is personally and also intellectually interesting to him.

Mom, who is kind of a walking encyclopedia, almost always can provide Dad with the accuracy checks. They are perfectly paired, in some ways.

I am not doing this subject justice. Thinking about Dad and Mom and their way of thinking just makes me laugh and laugh, a love-filled laugh. I think you know what I mean. Maybe you know your own dad this way or your mom, or your sibling. Here, I will try to give you an example of the most recent set of opposites that came my way. They exemplify Mom and Dad’s obsession with breads, eating, not eating too much, history, etc.

See if you can get any of these Bakery Goods.

1- an ordinary German citizen of the pre World War 1 era/to remain stable at sea
2- girl/guy
3- treat people harshly/five dollar bill
4- ally/throw/she/i’m not surprised
5- mom/under
6- buck/very sane person (slang)
7- very speedy runner
8- worker/ounce–speaks softly–ear