Susan's Blog

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Residential Thoughts

I’m sorry, darling.
I wish that my egg had not had that crack–
And yet that gave us you.
I wish that my brain knew exactly what to do
With everything that has made you struggle
I wish that my patience had been deeper, thicker, bouncier
So that I would have never yelled hurtful things at you
But I would have simply rolled with it all
I wish that my bank account had been endless
So that I could have bought all the help you needed,
I needed.
And that my days had been long enough to do it all.
I wish for us more time
And yet, I need it to be the way it is.
And I’m so sorry

But — if it had all been different,
Then so, my dear. would you.

posted at 8:47 am 3 comments

3 comments

Could have been titled, “Parental Thoughts”. We all struggle with the same issues in your beautifully written essay.

— added by Anonymous on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 at 10:29 am

The patience line hits me hard. You think you’re alone out there, but no, you show otherwise. Thank you.

— added by Someone Said on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Susan, you read my mind. I’m having a particularly hard time lately, since the new baby arrived. I am not the mom I want to be, that I need to be. I spend my days being frustrated, angry, and utterly bewildered at my failures as a mother to my beloved first son. This post really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing it.

— added by ASDmomNC on Friday, March 7, 2008 at 9:03 am