Susan's Blog

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Tender

The tender parts of the day catch in my throat and press against my brain until I let them out.

Benj fell asleep on his book (Harry Potter 3) tonight. His still little face rested on his arm, the book open to the Dementors chapter. Dear little boy.

Benj felt that Link was “so sad,” because he’d been turned into an odd wood-like creature. I like that he was moved by Link’s sadness.

Natty sang “Drift Away,” today in music class and played the drum. He did not say a word most of this evening and I feel guilty that I know so little about what goes on with him, except for what’s in the notebook. Manufactured or real? Old, old feeling. A slight pain that resides behind my eyes, feeling like I’m abandoning him for not knowing.

I have so little to say about Max because there is just a lot of feeling. Worry that this is somehow not right, the distance. A man, at lightning speed.

I leaned against the big oak in the front yard listening to “You Only Live Twice,” by Natacha Atlas. I was resting after having raked out all the shrubs, cleaned up stones, trimmed dead branches, and spread new topsoil. The apple tree was in full bloom, dressed up in pale pink eyelet. I was tired and satisfied with the work I’d done.

posted at 10:37 pm 3 comments

3 comments

That sounds like a nice moment, even though it included the undercurrent of concern. You don’t say it directly but I imagine the feelings are tempered with an appreciation for the source your emotion – a beautiful family.

— added by Grant on Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 8:21 am

Susan – your description of a New England spring is spot on, and thanks, because as much as I abhor winter, springtime in New England is magical.

Sounds like your boys are right on track to me – but I respectfully beg to differ that you know so little about Nat. Ask yourself this – who knows more about Nat? Anyone, anyone? Bueller, Bueller? Nat has had a wonderful year of new challenges and growth – Camp, swimming, coping with his folks taking much needed getaways (you are my hero for that), his Friday night groups – Man, he’s got a better social life than I do!

Max is supposed to be pulling away, and you know it, I think. From your writing, I would describe Max as self-sustaining, and extremely empathetic for his age. Well hooty hoo, how many 17-year olds can you say that about? You were so wise to support the ‘dreads last year, and it seemed to me that Max deemed it too labor intensive a ‘do. True to his low maintenance style – from a long distance, I think he’s an awesome man-in-training.

Benj, for me, is harder to describe, a tougher nut to crack, and I think he might prefer it that way. Although reluctant to show his sweetness, I think Benj is blossoming. I’m sure the changing dates for his birthday party really bummed him out, but he rolled with it. He delves into his multiple interests with such great intensity, and it’s nice to read that he thinking about other people feelings. Ben is reaching for so many things – it’ll be interesting to see how he puts it all together.

Now, I’ve got to make sales calls, but I hope you can see that you got a great batch of kids, and they are damn lucky to have you and Ned. Now stick that in your daily affirmation file. Lisa

— added by Anonymous on Thursday, May 8, 2008 at 11:03 am

Thanks!
Lisa, you are a dear to remind me of all that. BTW, can you email me your contact info? I want to talk to you for the next book. Thanx

— added by Susan Senator on Friday, May 9, 2008 at 7:40 am