Susan Senator
All happy families are not alike...
All happy families are not alike...
Should
I often feel guilty. I have a difficult time just being happy. I allow myself to be happy on vacations, when one is supposed to be. But regular days: it’s tough to slip below that thin but sticky layer of remorse.
Nat is back at the House; Max is going on a trip with friends. Away, away, my darlings. Wistfulness descends. I find nagging thoughts poking around in my head: Should have gone with Ned to drop off Nat, didn’t kiss him goodbye. Should take Max to the station myself. Should have listened more animatedly when he described that stupid movie, Clone Wars. Should have gone with Ben to the festival, rather than letting friends take him. Should make better, healthier dinners. Should spend less time on the computer. Should straighten out boys’ drawers. Vacuum the filthy laundry room.
Shouldshouldshouldshouldshouldshouldshould
Really, what it is is I should have just been happy when I was younger. When I was a young mother. A young woman. But back then fear ate me alive. And now guilt nibbles. I guess nibbles are better than being devoured. But when will I learn to just be in the now and not only when on vacation?
Good night.
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I feel this way even on vacations…
all the shoulds…I know what you mean.
“Guilt Nibbles” is a cool psuedo name.
That being said, I would like to remind you of a few facts:
0.) You have three beautiful kids that love you and ALWAYS will love you.
1.) You have a husband that loves you and ALWAYS will love you.
2.) You have parents and family that love you and ALWAYS will love you.
3.) You have friends that love you and ALWAYS will love you.
No matter what else happens in your life, you are already a success. Wife, mother, author, trusted friend…
Hell, they will probably write songs about you someday!
You mean I am not the only one that feels this way?! Susie
Andrew is spot on in his assessment, but I know just how this feels. Susan, you try like hell, and that’s the important part. Lisa
I know, Lisa, but the thing is, sometimes I feel horribly guilty that Nat has this hardship at all! That I, the person who brought him into this world, cannot fix life for him to be better! I know it is irrational, but it is how I feel at times. How can children come into this world so ill-prepared? What kind of deal is that??!!
“How can children come into this world so ill-prepared? What kind of deal is that??!!”
Spot on. Where’s the chore chromosome?
Ooooh…I always ‘should’ all over myself too.
Hey, instead of feeling down, think how “Jolly Good” Nat must have felt after his awesome performance on Thursday at the Jubilee…now that’s an accomplishment he taught himself!
If you ever figure this out, would you please let me know.
Ugg.