Susan's Blog

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Little, Fat Life

“Remain calm. All is weeeeellllll!”
–Chip Diller, Animal House

I find that there are many things that people make mysterious that really need not be. I have not only learned this time and again with my boys; I also learned it growing up and later in life, too. In some sense, I think we humans like to make things challenging; on the other hand, some experiences really feel that way, too.

Before I get too chewy in my exegesis about mystery and the human mind, let me give you some examples from my own little fat life (ooops, now I must give you the exegesis of “Little, Fat.” ((can you tell I just learned a new word?! I is a English Professor! )) Anyway… Little, Fat (( also know as “LF”)) applies to any kind of sweet and darling effort made by a baby. It all started with Baby Nat ((who at one point in his life actually was little and fat!)). It evolved into other things that are adorable and poignant in that the effort is being made by someone who previously was not up to the task. It is NOT patronizing!! Well, yes it is. It is patronizing the way parents are allowed to be because they love their children and they feel in their hearts every single effort their kids make.)

Now, where was I? Okay. So in my own LF life, I remember being around 11 years old, and we were in a diner, and we were talking about how we were going to be taking a big summer vacation trip to Maine or something. Something different from the three previous cross-country camping trips we had already taken in other summers. And suddenly my dad said, “Do we really want to do this? Wouldn’t you like to go across the country again? Washington and Oregon?” And Laura and I, without a second’s thought, yelled, “Yeah!!” And just like that, our vacation changed. This may not be how it actually went, but to me it was as simple as doing what you really wanted to do.

So, then there was Nat. And there was so much horror that the media, the DSM, and Bettleheim had packed into the term “autism,” that no wonder I was just in a swirl of terror and confusion. Only to find out, years and years later, that he was, indeed, “Still Our Nat.” Our Little Fat Nat!!

And now, there’s college. All around me in my power town there is panic among the eleventh grade parents. You can feel it in the extra amount of static electricity when you bump into them at the Atrium Mall or Coolidge Corner (oh, just google it). Last night Ned and I attended a Junior Parents College Planning Night at the High School. There we were with all these other parents, some of whom we have known since kindergarten or preschool (Max’s, that is). Lots of waving and kissing. But then, there was the serious moment of getting out your pens and paper and writing down all the minutiae of when to take the SAT, the ACT, the SAT II, the AP, the CRAP.

Questions and questions for the guidance counselor, a very cool dude with a Trinity vest on. (I went to Trinity for one miserable year, but hey, that’s just me. But actually, another thing de-mystified: I hated Trinity, so my Mom said, “So, transfer!” And I did. I found Penn and wrote my admissions essay on the train ride back to Connecticut. You don’t like where you are, leave.) Room full of Panicked Parents, mixed in with Totally-In-The-Know Parents, who made the rest of us even more Panicked.

At the end of the night, Ned and I had a lot of notes and a big packet with a timeline. They should be encouraged to have one club or activity. They should take AP and Honors if they can. They should get recommendations from teachers with whom they had a great relationship. You take the SAT in May and then again in the Fall. You apply to a range of schools, some safety, some a match, some a reach. OmiGod OmiGod!!!! HUGE REVELATIONS!!

Hmmm. Maxie and his Little Fat College Application Process. In the end, Ned said to me, “You know what I learned? We’re okay.”

5 comments

Wise words

— added by Sue on Thursday, February 5, 2009 at 7:15 am

Ya’ know, I am still many years away from this. But I can’t help thinking after all the angst we go through with IEPs, FBAs, team meetings, etc. for our SN kids, how BAD can the typical college admissions process possibly be? — Cathy in CT

— added by Anonymous on Thursday, February 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Great account of the dreaded meeting of parents of HS juniors. Perfect.

Can drive a sane parent off the ledge. Sounds like you and your husband have an excellent perspective about it.

Linda

— added by Anonymous on Friday, February 6, 2009 at 9:37 am

Whoa, this is just too odd. My name means “little fat fish” and I hadn’t thought about that in years. But just yesterday I was thinking about names for websites and suddenly remembered it. And then I read your blog. Just thought it was a little too ironic…
And I loved your thoughts on the college journey, we’ll be on that path this time next year.

— added by Kaija on Sunday, February 8, 2009 at 2:29 pm

So here’s another question: Is college necessary?

I know many smart, successful people who didn’t go to college/university.

My kid is quirky and original. I wonder if he’ll like college… or hate it.

— added by Nancy on Sunday, February 8, 2009 at 7:06 pm