Susan Senator

Today I gave a homeless man $20. I had $40 in my wallet; no singles. But I thought, “What do I need it for? Some Starbux and a sandwich? I have all that.” I gave it to him and he said I was beautiful, so it was worth it. Seriously, it was. Other times I’ve given $5 or $10 and they always say, “God bless you.” And that makes me feel good: the blessings, I mean. I can use blessings. And I walk away feeling like I have made a small difference in someone’s life.

And maybe I have. Maybe getting that much money makes the guy feel like life isn’t bad at all. Maybe it helps him get off the sidewalk and help himself.

I know people scoff and say, “Oh, he’ll just spend it on drugs or booze.” Where did that meanspirited attitude come from? Was there some study that came out with The Facts? Some anecdotal research? Gut feeling? How shitty.

But even my college students say that. They are certain that it is a waste — nay, wrong, even — to give a homeless man money when he asks for it on the street. “That’s why they have shelters,” people say. I think that is cynical. We have no evidence that this is where they all should be.

I once read a book, “The Glass Castle,” by Jeannette Walls. This was a memoir of a woman who grew up in Appalachia, with parents who may have been bipolar or something. She eventually dug her way out and went on to live a very healthy and happy life, even though by her adulthood her parents were homeless. It seemed, from the book, that they were homeless by choice. They saw themselves as the new pioneers, freethinkers not bound by civilization’s “stuck-up” ways.

I do not agree with them and I think that such beliefs are a set-up for a very hard life, of begging and suffering from cold, filth, disease, loneliness, etc. But her parents were happy. I learned a lot from that book, about how to hang on to your sanity in otherwise insane conditions; how to love flawed people without becoming flawed yourself; how to put yourself in others’ shoes.

Being homeless means a lot of scrounging, scrimping, and struggling. It means you have to rely on others’ sporadic generosity and your own wits and luck to survive. There’s probably much more to it that I can’t even imagine — though I do have a rich imagination — because I live in the proverbial ivory tower, like a princess on a hill. Or something like that.

I see some homeless who seem disabled somehow. Maybe they are autistic, and under no one’s care. Maybe they were always poor and so no one in their lousy school system diagnosed them. They missed out on being in The State System and now they are simply out on the streets. One guy I see downtown where I teach speaks with a really weird, raspy monotone, “Eh-nn-y spaaaaya-chaaaange– Miss?” I have seen cops tell him harshly to stop bothering people. I have seen others sneer at him.

Why do people think they can treat others this rudely, just because they are asking for money from strangers? Yes, it is a bit of a nuisance to have a stranger come up to you, especially someone who doesn’t seem clean or “all there.” But it is a human being we are talking about! Possibly with issues near and dear to my heart. Or other struggles. And let’s say there is something about life in a shelter that feels suffocating or somehow wrong? Am I to judge that?

Our society takes care of many who have trouble doing it on their own. What’s with the judgments? Is it somehow more okay if there is a nonprofit overseeing the money and doling it out how they see fit? Why? Why is it better to give $25 to some organization and not to a person who directly asks for it? Why assume he’s on drugs, and if he is, why judge him? Have you ever tried to break a habit, any habit? I have. It is the hardest thing to do. Imagine if your body hurts from breaking the habit. Imagine if you have delusions of some sort and do not know how to get help, and maybe people are a bit skittish of helping you precisely because you look like you need help!

We should just give people a break. Why do we need that loose dollar getting dogeared in the wallet? What is it for, the Tooth Fairy?