Susan Senator

Saturday night gave me a glimpse of my future. It was a little like Chinese food: sweet and sour. Both Max and Ben went to sleep over at friends’ houses, so Ned and I were home alone with Nat. We decided to go out to a restaurant we would not usually go to with all five of us, because we knew that Nat, the most mature and least picky eater of the three boys, would eat well anywhere. I didn’t want to spend a lot (see, I can change!) so I chose Chinese, a place in my favorite neighborhood in the more urban part of town. I had eaten a little too much all day, and the day before, and the day before that, so I (stupidly) figured “Oh, Chinese! I can really maintain a non-fattening meal that way.” So easy to lie to oneself when one is craving certain foods. Last night all I could think about was sweet, spicy sauce on some kind of diced protein. I figured I didn’t have to “count” the sauce. Uh-huh.

We drove around and around looking for parking, and I could just feel Nat becoming more tense with each disappointment. Here is a sample tense parking conversation:
N:”Oh, there’s one, she’s leaving!”
S:”No, Ned, that’s not a real spot!”
N:”Oh, sorry.”
S:”Jeez, who are they honking at?”
S:”What about that one? Can I get to it from here?”
N:”Yeah, but — d’oh, that person just took it.”
S:”This time I’ll drive around and go left. I have a little secret parking area.”
N:”Oh, look at this, clever!”
S: “See? Good parking karma.”
S: [upon exiting car] “Nat, you were very calm while we were parking. Good work!”
N: “Yeah. Natty, hold my hand. Nat, calm hands! Nat, we won’t go into the restaurant if you pinch.”
Nat: “Go restaurant.”
N: “Then don’t pinch.”
Nat: “No pinch. Go restaurant.”
N: “Lately this happens every time we go out. A little flare-up, then it’s over.”

We sat at a window booth, which always makes me happy. Ned ordered spareribs, which I thought I wouldn’t like them anymore, but, wow, I was wrong. After having like five little pieces, I noticed the traitorous honey-colored sauce beneath the pile. No wonder.
N: “See? Pigs taste good.” (This is one of Ned’s favorite phrases, because when we were first married, and for the longest time after, I didn’t ever cook pork, because my mother never did either. So when I finally started buying bacon, sausage, etc., I often exclaimed over how tasty they were. So Ned started saying, “Pigs taste good.” He even made it his signature for a while on email and his cell phone said it when it was first turned on. Just to remind me: buy pig products. Sorry to offend my truly Kosher friends, and my maternal grandmother, may she rest in peace.)
S: “Yes, they certainly do.”
N: “I was remembering when Homer Simpson was talking about all the different meats he liked, and wondering where they all came from: spare ribs, bacon, ham, sausage. Lisa goes, ‘Dad, they’re all from pigs!’ Homer says, ‘Oh, sure, like there’s some kind of magical animal out there.'”

It was a bit of a struggle getting Nat to try the spare ribs, but neither Ned nor I would give up because we absolutely knew he would love them. Finally, I put a little greasy pink chunk on his plate and said, “Nat, it’s like bacon. It’s sweet, too. You’ll like it. Just try it.” He gingerly poked at it with his tongue but then, of course, was completely blown away.

Ned and I continued to talk about whatever we wanted to, not afraid of kid interruptions (Nat never interrupts; he barely initiates any conversation at all). We talked, among other things, about our sex life, using subtle innuendo and hints, so that Nat would remain in the dark. This would never have worked if Max had been there, so it was a lot of fun.

Ned urged me to try “Dragon and Phoenix,” a sweet, spicy, chicken and lobster dish, sauteed with onions. OMG, as Max would say, this was one of the best things I ever tasted! Nat loved it, too, and scraped the plate (filled with fattening sauce) completely clean.

A peaceful, enjoyable dinner with my husband — and my nearly grown son. Not exactly how I pictured a Saturday night out, way back when, but back then, what did I know? I didn’t even realize that pigs taste good.