Susan's Blog

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Pirates: A Sinker

Sitting in the dark theatre
The Pirates on the screen
Boys right and left and behind me
Kiera Knightly falsely venting spleen

I waited for Johnny Depp to thrill me
Or for Orlando to make my lust bloom
But all that happened was a huge calamari
And pirates dropping from the boom

A strange black wench with inky teeth
Spoke gibberish in a swamp
I hoped against hope old Jack would have her
And treat us all to a lusty romp

But she only gave him a sandy bottle
And told him something about a heart
Before I knew it they were sailing full throttle
Fighting Orkish guys who were half men, half carp

When finally Kiera made out with Johnny
I can’t say I was happy with this
Because by then I was so confused and sleepy
And two of my boys needed to take a piss

We don’t even know if the Cracken is dead
Nor do we know for sure if Cap’n Jack made it
We don’t even know why the thing’s called a “Cracken”
But I do know I don’t really give a ****

Two thumbs up — Robert Iger’s ass



— added by Pete Lyons on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 8:06 am

I’m sad you didn’t like the movie. I’ve seen it twice already – yes in the regular theatres – and I loved it both times!

It is kinda long, though.

— added by Jannalou on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 10:16 am

Kraken is an old Norse word for sea monster:

My kids want to see the movie tomorrow. I don’t have much interest in it, though, and I’ll probably just drop them off at the theater and pick them up afterward.

— added by Bonnie Ventura on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 10:59 am

Yikes Susan!!! How crude!! I thought the movie was pretty good, considering it is the 2nd one and you know how that goes!!

— added by gg on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 3:04 pm

I’ve been reading your blog and catching up on past months, and this one made me laugh. Just what I needed after a long day chasing a 5 year old autistic. Thanks. Enna Id

— added by ei on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 3:45 pm

Thank you for amusing me. 🙂

I enjoyed the movie, or maybe it was the company (only the second time this year I’ve gone to see a movie with my husband, usually it’s dinner and a bookstore).

I hope you’re happier with the next one. (I’m hoping to be happier with the next one, myself!)

— added by Julia on Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 12:47 am

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