Susan's Blog

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

What’s Some Money For Peace, Love, and Understanding?

Working on respite time with Ned. It’s been a few years since we went anywhere away from the boys overnight. These days, we have to pay for respite and it is tough to find people. I am trying to get the young woman who was Nat’s aide at camp this summer. I want three nights at least. I am feeling so in need of escape, that I have even had some rough times with Ned, and that’s rare.

The mornings yesterday and today were hellish, because neighbors’ lights are all off kilter, at least in Nat’s mind. I had to call another neighbor today and ask her to turn an outdoor light off. She was happy to, but I wont’ always be so lucky. Plus, Nat insisted on wearing shorts today — with snow on the ground — and I gave in. I warned him, “Tomorrow, pants.”

Yesterday he smacked Ben on the head in all of his anxiety. He also bit his own arm, and I forgot to tell the teacher so she wrote up an incident report. Ben was so mad at Nat, he was spitting nails. I couldn’t blame him. I felt so horrible for him, for both of them; but especially Ben. Sometimes it feels like Ben has no peace anywhere. School is hard, home is hard. I don’t want to hear about how kids are resilient. I’m not so sure. I am so concerned about his happiness.

This feeling led me, strangely, to the Apple Store, where I impulsively splurged on a gift for Max, who also seems to deal with a lot of tough stuff on his own. He is such a darling. He always lets Nat come in and lie on his bed and sillytalk while he is doing homework. He never complains about Nat using/abusing his pillow; he just quietly tells me and asks for a new one or a clean pillowcase.

So with my heart soaked in sadness and love, I bought Max an iPod Touch, a very cool piece of technology. And the saleswoman asked me if I wanted to get my other son (whom I’d mentioned) his own Nano. I knew B would hate that; he hates music. But suddenly I felt like I just had to find something really, really great for Ben. I had to, I just had to get Ben exactly what he wanted for Chanukah. No matter what it cost. Why would I get expensive trifles for Max, and anything at all Nat wants, and not get Ben a Wii? What the hell is that all about? Afraid he is spoiled? But he is not; he is troubled. And if I can buy him a little peace of mind, it is well worth braving the prices on

I went on line and found one. Oh, they’re there, if you want to pay through the _ _ _. I checked with Ned if he minded the price. He was surprised at first, but actually he saw how I felt and agreed. I bought it and felt really, really good, albeit also like a jackass. Hee Haw. What’s money for, if we can’t try to buy a little peace, love and understanding once in a while?


I think it’s sweet. You’re not a jackass. Ben does have a hard time. It’s not easy being the little guy. You have to post what his reaction is when he opens the Wii.

— added by ASDmomNC on Tuesday, December 11, 2007 at 4:07 pm

Phew! I can stop looking for one for you! Florida is every bit as bad as anywhere else. There is a bit of a “speak-easy” vibe to getting a Wii; if you know the right people, and know the right time, and have the right tip (“I heard that Walmart will get a few in on Sunday morning. I can hold one for $20…”)

Mercifully, I am still a few years away from the Wii. I know that B will love it.

— added by Andrew on Tuesday, December 11, 2007 at 6:15 pm

You are a great mom who deserves respite with your husband away from the boys. Marriage is a tough row to hoe under any circumstances. Go for three nights: you’ll find a fabulous respite person or persons and it will be so worth the money.

Written by anonymously happily married for 31 years who always found it tough to leave the kids…but rewarding when I did!

— added by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 11, 2007 at 7:35 pm

You most definitely are NOT a jackass! You are a wonderful mother who recognizes her sons’ struggles and challenges —all of your sons— and are, happily, able to do something to ease the way a bit. You obviously can’t change the situation for Ben but you CAN make it a little sweeter from time to time. Every once in a while you just have to go a Wii bit overboard; be glad you can. Can’t wait to hear his reaction. 🙂

— added by Niksmom on Tuesday, December 11, 2007 at 9:17 pm

You are a great mother and I applaud your compassion, your understanding, and your grace under pressure. Your boys are lucky to have you.

I have a fourteen-year-old son who is like Max; he bears his younger brother’s quirks quietly and with much love and dignity. Sometimes, I feel that things are also too much for him. He has to study in the midst of Alphonse’s symphonic cacophony (little brother loves to scream, happy screams, yes, but screams nonetheless). He gives his brother baths in the weekends when school is off. And though “normal” brothers do often quibble and fight, he doesn’t have the luxury of “fighting” on even ground with his little brother. He always has to give way.

And so, like you, we’ve often indulged our other son, because he is every bit as beautiful and as special as his little brother.

Many blessings, Susan!

?Pinky (aka Kittymama)

P.S. The Wii is a great idea; even 40-year-old moms can get hooked! (I know I am!)

— added by Kittymama on Wednesday, December 12, 2007 at 12:56 am

The same over here…only different..

2 American Girl Dolls
1 million Webkinz
Too many trips to Nordstrom and Limited 2
Comments from my husband like “Just HOW many shoes does one little girl need…”

I’m glad I’m not the only one.

— added by Judith U. on Wednesday, December 12, 2007 at 4:51 pm

You are *such* a great mom. And wife, too.

I was just trying to talk Fathersvox in to getting Sweet M a puppy for Christmas. So far, no luck! Maybe if I got him a new 21-inch screen Mac desktop, he’d see his way clear to a pup for M.

— added by MothersVox on Sunday, December 16, 2007 at 11:46 am