Susan Senator

I had so much energy yesterday, even by dinner time, so I put it to good use. I made a nice dinner, which was extra good because Max’s girlfriend was staying for it. At one point just before dinner, Nat happily wandered into Max’s room, and Nat looked at them, smiled, and said, “Come in here.” Max and H just kind of stared, and finally Max said something softly, like, “Not now.” I knew he couldn’t, but there it was again, that sweet pain of mixed feelings, over what is, and what is not.

So I said, “Hey, great sentence, Nat!” And then I invited him to come make cornbread with me. He left with a big smile on his face. Then he made an excellent cornbread while cooked a huge piece of salmon for dinner, like 2.68 pounds. (Talk of fish for dinner always makes me smile, thinking of my grandfather Paul, who used to order fish in a restaurant like this: “Give me a nice piece of fish. Boin it, bleck.”) I did not burn ours black, but had Papa been here, I sure would have for him. After dinner, H left and we all went about our nighttime business of showers, etc.

Last night was strange. Costume after costume was falling apart (so much use! I don’t think these were designed to be practiced in, night after night, but that is the way I roll). Today I will have to do a lot of sewing, I think, although the proposal is calling. I could not settle on a look, because the one I wanted to wear had a shoulder strap that was about to go.

Then I couldn’t settle on a song. I thought I was in a Natacha Atlas mood, especially after listening to “Ne Me Quitte Pas” over and over again in my car, playing it for the boys, and then for Ned because it is just so beautifully sung. But I was not able to dance to her stuff yesterday. I just kept pressing “forward,” and then suddenly this old number came on. I don’t know what it’s called. I think of it as “Warrior.” It always makes me think of warriors riding horses down a big sand dune, all dark but clothed in white, except for one, who is blue-eyed, blond, and bearded…