Susan's Blog

Monday, May 26, 2008

Everyone Here Is an Island

Oppressed by the wide open glorious day. I have no excuse to feel this way. Purely ornery. It is a lovely weekend, nothing needs to be done. Even my children are obliging by showing their best selves. Nat and I talked before he went to bed last night about the situation with lights, and how if he was calm and quiet this morning, we would make pancakes.

So he was. So we did. I ate none of them. I had eggs, Atkins style. Back on that for a little while to reduce the belly that even hours of bellydance and other ab work cannot seem to flatten. My trophy from successful childbirth? Great, but did I have to win the grand prize?

Sometimes I feel like my socioeconomic peers — all of whom seem to have wonderful plans for this Memorial Day weekend — are the people who do everything more beautifully than you, like the character in that Sylvia comic who ages terracotta pots with yogurt and monograms her children’s underwear. Most everyone around me seems to know how to drink beer and “hang out.” Ned and I don’t really “hang.” He doesn’t go out with The Guys; he never has. We both have a few very very close friends, but that’s it. There isn’t much hanging out to be done. We see our friends here and there, but it’s each other that we hang out with. And when one of us is glued to the laptop, then the other one has to fend for his/herself.

Yesterday I was so oppressed by the laughter of my happy neighborhood, floating over my way that I told Ned I wanted to move. He said, “Okay.” I went upstairs and lay down. Ned came up and softly rested his hand on my hip while I slept it off, like a bad drinking bout. He knew it was just something I was saying, because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings.

Today he said of one particular friendly-sounding get together down the street, “Let’s just walk over there,” and I said, “Okay.” And then we both looked at each other, a little wide-eyed. I truly understand my shy and perhaps anti-social or otherwise labeled children, because I am one of them. They came from us, after all. And here we are, at our dining room table, typing away while Nat marches all around the first floor, chatting himself up, and Ben plays the Wii; we are each our own island, for better or worse.


I know this so well, Susan. As I paint and nest, I realize that it is not as if no one wants to help me. The reason I am alone is because no one wants to paint my island the wrong way if they do lend a hand. It’s totally an air sign thing, trust me. -Tina G.

— added by Anonymous on Monday, May 26, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Oh how I can relate to you Susan. My son and I walked to the park tonight and the kids that live behind us, 2 girls and one boy Aspie, passed quickly by muttering that they had to get home. I laughed to myself thinking, “Geez, even Autistic kids don’t want to hang out with my Autistic kid!”. That’s ok, they too are like the “islands” you discuss in your blog today. I am too, and my son, and my hubby despite his multitude of friends. Sometimes being an island is great, and sometimes angst ridden. I guess being a group of islands together isn’t all bad, look at Hawaii! lol

— added by Bonnie on Monday, May 26, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Shit. I didn’t really wanna generalize like that. I just had to rush outta here to change a poopy. I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I do hope your night improves, though. -Tina G.

— added by Anonymous on Monday, May 26, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Tina, you made me laugh with that last comment!!

Bonnie, I so know what you mean about that, the other autistic kids leaving yours out, I can’t even begin to tell you publicy…

— added by Susan Senator on Monday, May 26, 2008 at 10:14 pm

We’ve always just hung out together. Dh has his meetings but I admit I never really have “suffered others gladly”… And I “suffer other peoples kids” even less after all the work I put into mine.

As for the “not playing” part… Ha!Ha!Ha!… it’s either laugh or scream. School and I are not getting along – still!!!.

— added by farmwifetwo on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 10:06 am

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