Susan's Blog

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Sex Lives

I fear this will come off as crass, but this is an important issue, plus it’s my blog, so…

I am looking to interview an autism mom who is happy with her sex life.
What do I mean by happy? I guess I mean that:
1) Most of the time when you think about sex/intimacy/romance with your spouse, it is a good feeling, rather than a negative or hopeless feeling. In other words, you want to be intimate with your spouse but maybe you can’t. Why not?
2) How do you plan for moments of togetherness?
3) Are there particular times in the week/month when intimate moments (physical or emotional) are more possible than others? Why is that?
4) Do you believe that couples without autism in their lives are having more sex than you?

I want to be able to quote you in a chapter in my new book. I want you to give me a few reasons why you think things have worked out this way for you, by way of helping others.

Sex in a challenging family is one thing no one talks about, but probably all of us can benefit from such a discussion. It is even a difficult discussion within couples who are considering natural ways of tightening the vagina. Read more about this topic on This might give you some insight on ways to improve your sex life.

And I am looking to talk to practitioners and therapists who have helped autism couples in this regard, willing to be quoted in my book.

Email me @

Don’t be insulted if I don’t respond to your email. There are many, many and I am looking for just the right voice/tone/attitude. Many thanks!!!


I guess I find it amusing b/c I am always amazed when people say “but I don’t have time for” and not just sex… anything. If it’s important to you, important to your relationship… what’s the issue?? And again, not just sex… anything. From enjoying a good book, a good glass of wine, writing a blog… whatever is important to you.

Maybe it’s b/c we live WITH autism not FOR it here, that I can never figure out how one revolves one life around it. Yes, it’s always there… always important… but it’s never first, family is first.

In regards to your request may I send you over to a friend I met last June

She and her DH are the nicest people.. and their son keeps them busy… but their marriage comes first.. go read.


— added by farmwifetwo on Sunday, June 15, 2008 at 5:16 pm

You would have to define “good” for me to know if I should respond.

I consider the fact that we even have a sex life a triumph at this point !

— added by Mom to JBG on Sunday, June 15, 2008 at 9:07 pm

I already like what you’ve said, Mom to JBG, but I will edit the post and explain myself better.

— added by Susan Senator on Sunday, June 15, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Sex? What’s that? Oh you mean that thing that used to happen before we had a 4.5 y.o. autie and a 5 month old in the house? I have vague memories……LOL.

— added by ASDmomNC on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 10:57 am

I am so glad you clarified “good!” When I saw this post this morning I was too self-conscious to respond! LOL How’s that for a prime illustration of how these things are seldom talked about!?

And, yes, MomtoJBG, that IS a triumph!
So, Susan, it sounds like you are looking for more than just the sex part of the sex life but also the discussion of different kinds of intimacy and how to foster it or what keeps us from expressing it in physical terms? Is that right?

— added by Niksmom on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 6:17 pm

Yes, Niksmom, thanks for clarifying. This is tough stuff to talk about and write about!

— added by Susan Senator on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 7:45 pm

Sex life? Well, once the autism diagnosis came about (actually, prior to the autism but after it was determined that something was amiss), I ended up single, with no time to date. And honestly, I don’t see that changing in the future.

I just have to accept that as my reality.

— added by Susan on Tuesday, June 17, 2008 at 12:29 am

Mom to JBG, ASDMomNC, and Susan:
Would you email me privately (if you feel comfortable letting me use your words in my book)? I would use your first name and your city and state. I could change your child’s name. I suppose I could even change your name! The point is, I need the full picture of ASD parents and romance in their lives. If many are having none, then that should be told, too. If any are having some: that, too. Thank you.

— added by Susan Senator on Tuesday, June 17, 2008 at 7:00 am

I will be happy to email you, although it will have to happen later this evening, after my husband comes home and the baby is asleep. 🙂

Glad you’re feeling better today. Your poem was very touching.

— added by ASDmomNC on Tuesday, June 17, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Dang, if only I weren’t Catholic! Hey, I had two girls with autism ages 4 and 5 and got pregnant. Must have been doing something right! LOL! This sounds really interesting, Susan. There are taboo topics even within the taboo topics. I’m getting emails from people about their daughters and their periods because I’ve spoken a bit out it and written about it just a smidge. Sometimes I write about things that are uncomfortable for just that reason, to allow other families to start a discussion, to feel it’s “OK.” I loved your chapter on “making privacy” and I refer parents of boys to it often. My fav chapter in MPWA though is the Bar Mitvah. Mia and Gianna just made First Holy Communion. I thought of you as we sat in Church. See? There’s that Catholic thing again. 🙂


— added by Kim Rossi Stagliano on Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 7:44 am

We are the parent’s of 6 children, 5 with Autism. We both value sex in our relationship very much.
All of our friends know that if both cars are home for lunch…don’t bother to knock, we won’t answer.
Great subject…none of our close friends have children with Autism and we are far more sexually active, according to them.


— added by Mom26children on Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 12:06 am

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