Susan's Blog

Monday, July 28, 2008


First day. Ned took off from work, Ben was at camp, Max was with Hannah, so Ned and I took the T into Boston and had a leisurely lunch at an outdoor cafe in Beacon Hill. Very nice, but a feeling like I was watching myself through glass, or something. Ned kept snapping pictures of me, over and over, while we talked. It was odd, but kind of sweet. I felt like he was trying to make me laugh, by embarrassing me. He was literally keeping me focused on myself, and on him. I had some wine, and felt very drowsy. He was tired, too. We walked through the Public Gardens and watched the swan boats, bought ice creams and sat on a bench, holding hands. We kept checking in with one another: How you doing? Okay, I guess. The anticipation was harder than the actuality…

Got home, we both slept, woke up, ate a lot of cake, and I slept some more. Then, with the sun beginning to sink just a little, and the air loosening up its tight hot grip, I felt like I could maybe run. So I took a 3 mile run. I could barely breathe. My whole upper body felt bloated from the cake and stiff as a 90-year-old. I ran in shuffling steps, choking out the first two miles. Then, suddenly, the third mile was a breeze. Sweet Melissa came on the shuffle: Crossroads, seem to come and go… and I felt tears rise up, but still at that same remove, that through-the-glass feeling, which kind of shut the tears out. It’s like, I thought about crying, and I just felt that I could not do it just then.

Then, I ate a dinner that Max and Hannah made (!) Did they decide to do that because of today? Because of Nat being gone, as a way of being supportive? I kind of think so. I am just incredibly moved by their sweet relationship, how much they get each other to grow. Hannah seems to be teaching Max all about health and cooking. They are so in love, and everyone in their orbit feels it and falls in love with them.

I took a shower after dinner. Then I heard from the House and Nat. He sounded very small, far away, tired. He seemed to want to stay on the phone with me, because he didn’t just say, “How are you, good. Yes. Bye.” So I even called him back. We, of course, did not know what to say to one another, so I just blabbed a little and told him I was kissing him into the phone. Then, at last, he just said, “Bye,” and hung up. So I guess he had had his fill.

Sleep well, my darling.


He will.

— added by Someone Said on Monday, July 28, 2008 at 9:10 pm

Susan, Thank you for sharing this amazing transition in your lives. I have been reading along all month and keep getting choked up and todays post was no exception. My sweet twins with ASD are starting kindergarten in a few weeks so I’m feeling a big transition in my life as well. You are such an encouragement. Just want to give you a big hug through cyberspace and tell you that I’ve been saying a little prayer for you and Nat.

— added by S on Monday, July 28, 2008 at 11:12 pm

I was thinking about your family all day yesterday. What a milestone! How brave you all are!


— added by Anonymous on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 8:19 am

Yes, thank you for sharing this whole transition with us. I, too, have been tearing up every time I stop by here. I hope you all continue to do just fine. We are all out here rooting for Nat! (Not that he needs us!)

— added by gretchen on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 8:45 am

Ned is a gem, and together, you guys make a wonderful cake-eating team. Keep breathing. Lisa

— added by Anonymous on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 9:50 am

That post took my breath away. We’re only heading into Gr.1 this year, so we’re far away from where you are, but then I wonder if it’s really all that far away after all. The years go by too fast sometimes. Thank you so much for sharing such an emotional transition with us.

— added by mumkeepingsane on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm

wishing you love and strength and the knowledge that we are all with you cheering you forward. you sleep well too, you hear?

— added by jesswilson on Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 9:05 pm

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