Susan's Blog

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Little Dab Will Do Ya

I got all sad all over again because Nat is just so confused. He keeps saying, “See Mommy today.” Stuff like that. I dropped him off at the House and I was just crying and crying, already missing his velvety face and haystack hair.

The House people tell me that he does great, participates happily in everything they do — soccer game, semi-pro baseball game, food shopping, serving dinner; they even went to the ICA the other night, and he smiled the whole time — but still he keeps repeating the order of the days as if he is trying to make the answer change. Maybe it’s perseveration, and something I can redirect? I tried that today on the phone with him and it seemed to make him stop and think.

But how do I know for sure?

I won’t know for sure. I’m getting used to that. It is now a dull ache, rather than a flu-like sick feeling. But still, there is a very tall thin hole in my family’s heart right now. He was home Friday night so that he could go to a friend’s birthday party, and he was quiet and contemplative the whole time. It made me kind of sad, because it just doesn’t seem like Nat. And then, finally, I heard just one, “Heeyume.” I looked up, and he was smiling. Just a little dab of silly talk goes a long way.


After all the years you’ve lived together, I think it might take a while for Nat (and you) to get completely comfortable with the change. He probably gets wistful when he hears your voice (I can still get that way talking to my mom on the phone).

Hope you hear more silly talk as the weeks go by.

— added by Mom to JBG on Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:13 pm

that is the most beautiful picture. it just says so much about you and Nat.

— added by Anonymous on Monday, August 18, 2008 at 8:33 am

The participation in all the house activities is what makes me smile broadly, but you know I think you look great in pink. Keep dancing. Everybody’s acclimating the way they know how. My thoughts are with you all. Lisa

— added by Anonymous on Monday, August 18, 2008 at 11:09 am

I enjoyed the photograph you have included with your blog; the look on your face says it all. You and Nat are always in my thoughts. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes? Sharon

— added by Sharon L. on Monday, August 18, 2008 at 12:47 pm

What a handsome young man…and the love note melted my heart!

— added by Cyndi on Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm